When To Quit + When To Persevere

Christi Hegstad May 20th, 2021

Back in January, I set a business goal that checked all the boxes: Energizing, purposeful, challenging, aligned with my values. It would also allow me to impact a greater number of people in meaningful ways.

In the months since then, however, I have encountered obstacle after obstacle. Some merely tedious, others fairly significant.

I’m still excited about the goal – but I’m also kind of exhausted.

And it got me wondering:

Are these obstacles ‘tests’ to see how much I believe in what I’m doing? If I have the grit to persevere?

Or are they ‘signs’ indicating that I’m not on the right track and it’s time to let it go?

What do you think?

The Quit vs. Persevere Dilemma

Apparently I’m not the only one who faces this conundrum. As a coach, I am often asked how to tell if the best step with a goal is to quit or to persevere.

The answer, of course: It depends.

But if you find yourself in a similar space with one of your goals, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

* Why did I set this goal? Does that still apply / remain strong?

Reconnecting with the ‘why’ behind your goal is one of the strongest motivators I know. Let’s say you’re passionate about supporting literacy, and your goal involves creating a service that may help thousands of people with just that. Revisiting the purpose of your goal and the ripple effect of its outcome may be all you need to reenergize your efforts.

* How much is this goal costing me? Is it worth it at this time?

In her excellent book Succeed, Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson explains how changed circumstances or not fully understanding at the onset what your goal would require may impact whether or not it’s wise to continue pursuing it. An honest assessment of costs, benefits, and the realities of your current circumstances can help you determine if it’s the right goal, or if it’s the right time for the goal.

* If I close my eyes and imagine achieving this goal, what do I see / how do I feel? If I close my eyes and imagine letting go of this goal, what do I see / how do I feel?

Visualize both scenarios, engaging as many senses as possible, and see what calls to you the most. This may sound woo-woo but it’s a great way to help ensure you’re making your decisions with head, heart, and intuition – not just from mood or frustration.

* What if I got some help?

I recently hired my next coach, in part to help me with my persevere-or-quit decision. Within a week of doing so, my answer became crystal clear. I am now able, with her support, to focus my energy on actions and next steps rather than swimming in questions and indecision. Consider securing help to achieve your goal, especially if you’ve been going it alone up to this point.

If I can serve as that coach for you, please reach out – I only have a handful of openings for new clients this summer and I’d love to chat with you about possibilities!

When Your Confidence Takes A Hit (Or Ten)

Christi Hegstad May 18th, 2021

How do you build confidence?

How do you rebuild confidence once it’s taken a few hits?

The strategies and techniques may differ, depending on how – and how deeply – your confidence has been shaken. For starters, here are a few ideas I’m sharing with the ASPIRE Success Club as we delve into the topic this week:

* Create a list of your past wins, especially those related to the area where your confidence is waning. Seeing proof of your success on paper can help redirect your thoughts.

* Imagine your child or best friend coming to you feeling low in confidence. What advice would you offer? Now, how can you apply that to yourself?

* Reconnect with your values and priorities. I remember years ago letting some comments about my hair get to me – then I remembered that I do not necessarily want to be known for or build a legacy around my hair. Dedicate energy to what truly matters to you, and practice letting the rest go.

* Talk with your coach or another trusted source. Sometimes simply verbalizing the issue can alleviate its impact, and the perspective and support an objective party brings can help even more.

* Replace overthinking about it with an action. Which action, specifically, may depend on your particular situation, but getting into some sort of motion can help.

* Avoid generalizing the situation. With the hair experience above, for example, it was important not to take that one piece of criticism and make it about my whole life. Instead of “I can’t do anything right,” it became simply, “Huh, someone didn’t like my hair” – which is much easier to navigate.

What helps lift your confidence when it starts to dip?

Want support building – or rebuilding – your confidence? Contact me about coaching!

Loosening The Grip of Perfection

Christi Hegstad May 17th, 2021

The quality of our lives is not measured by the amount of time we spend in a state of perfection. – Nagoski + Nagoski

I suspect if you routinely read my posts, you are an achiever: You enjoy a sense of accomplishment, you like to check things off the list, you appreciate it when someone acknowledges your work.

Achievement is terrific.

Striving for excellence – fantastic.

Expecting perfection every time – well, this likely isn’t serving you or anyone around you.

This week, celebrate action – even if it’s imperfect.

I’ve read a ridiculous amount of personal development books in my lifetime, and I’ve noticed a common theme among them (as well as in practice):

We can think and think and think about something – making a change, achieving a goal – but we won’t see results until we take action.

Make it a small action if necessary.

Celebrate taking the action. (Make it a box you check off for added satisfaction!)

Pause, assess, then take the next action.

Worry less about perfection and focus more on progress, movement, and growth. You’ll achieve a lot more, and feel much more fulfilled, this way!

I only have a few openings for new clients this summer, and we can customize your coaching to meet your needs. Contact me if you’re interested!

How To Set, Honor, and Appreciate Boundaries

Christi Hegstad May 4th, 2021

Many years ago, I heard boundaries described like a fence around a backyard swimming pool.

Without the fence, people may fall into the pool, or strangers may use the pool without permission, or guests may show up at all hours to swim without our knowledge. A pool without a fence isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

With the fence, however, we can decide when, and to whom, we will open the gate.

This sounded much more proactive and win-win than the large brick walls I had considered boundaries in the past.

I recently read Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, in preparation for some client work, which expanded my understanding of boundaries even further. Here are three of my favorite lines – and key takeaways – from this very applicable resource:

“Boundaries are assertive steps that you take verbally and behaviorally to create a peaceful life.” (p120)

We can often think of boundaries in a negative context, like the ‘brick wall’ idea I held years ago. Tawwab does an excellent job shining the light on the benefits of boundaries instead, often returning to the peacefulness they can bring. Clarity with boundaries can reduce overthinking, minimize conflict over unmet expectations, decrease resentment, and myriad additional benefits.

“Burnout is overwhelming, and boundaries are the cure.” (p29)

Tawwab makes an excellent case for the connection between boundaries and burnout. Since contributors to burnout include things like not knowing when or how to say no, people-pleasing, and unrealistic expectations of self and/or others, identifying our culprits and setting boundaries around them goes a long way toward preventing unnecessary burnout.

“People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.” (pXVIII)

We might find ourselves frustrated with others for not honoring what we consider common sense: “They should just know!” we might lament. Tawwab reminds us, however, that common sense isn’t necessarily universal but rather based on our own life experiences. All the more reason for clarity, communication, and action in honoring our boundaries.

I appreciated the bullet-point style of tips throughout the book, the examples from Tawwab’s therapy practice as well as her own life (ie, her list highlighting things she does to reduce the likelihood of burnout), and the attention paid to navigating others’ possible reactions when we set boundaries for ourselves.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace – combined with a few additional resources like Sarri Gilman’s TED Talk – offer a terrific and doable starting point for setting healthy boundaries and finding peace!

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Monthly Review – April Lessons Learned

Christi Hegstad May 2nd, 2021

Lessons I learned / relearned in April:

1. Creating + sticking to a menu plan essentially feels like winning at life.

2. Non-measurable wins still count. (Ie, signs of personal growth.)

3. Discern carefully between ‘must do’ and ‘nice to do’ tasks. They can look similar but yield very different results.

4. This too shall pass … though not necessarily easily.

5. Taking 100% responsibility for your life sounds daunting but is actually liberating.

6. Savor ‘blossom season’ – it’s brief but beautiful!

7. Ask ‘what’s the lesson here?’ You might not have an answer right away, but the question opens the door.

8. Resentment is not a productive emotion.

9. Do the thing you’re putting off.

10. Critical thinking + meaningful conversation + open minds = a beautiful combination.

Do any of these resonate with you? What other lessons did April bring you?

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What’s The Lesson Here?

Christi Hegstad April 25th, 2021

What’s the lesson here?

I ask myself the above question often.

It can be helpful when you finish reading a book, as you leave a meeting, or after engaging in a new experience.

I find it particularly useful during challenging times: when I’ve messed up, when a problem arises, when I’m perplexed or struggling.

This week, ask yourself, “What’s the lesson here?”

When we can learn from and / or ascribe meaning to an experience, we are likely to grow from it.

Side note: We may not always be in the mindset or emotional space to actually answer the question then and there. But simply posing it can open the door and remind us that at some point, we will learn from the experience.

What lessons are you learning this week?

Get your free Big Dreams, Bold Goals! workbook here!

The Head, The Heart, And Courage

Christi Hegstad April 19th, 2021

Fear lives in the head. And courage lives in the heart. The job is to get from one to the other. – Louise Penny

I recently had to have a conversation that I was very scared to have.

If you could have seen the mental and physical prep I conducted beforehand, you probably would have wondered what in the world you were witnessing!

But the conversation was important, and I wanted to prepare my head and my heart as well as possible.

This week, take a healthy, courageous action.

Consider what helps you prepare your head and heart for courageous, purposeful action.

Some ideas:

* Positive self-talk

* Envisioning the ideal outcome

* Calling on past courageous actions you’ve taken

* Quieting inner ‘chatter’ through mindfulness

* Mapping out key points to keep top of mind

What will help you take a healthy, purposeful, courageous action this week?

Get your free Big Dreams, Bold Goals! workbook here!

How Do You Assess Your Week?

Christi Hegstad April 17th, 2021

Do you review the week that’s wrapping up before planning for the one ahead?

The weekly review is one of my favorite personal development routines. It only takes a few minutes but really helps me focus on key moments and learnings from the week that’s ending before delving in to the next.

Lately, here’s what I’ve been assessing each week:

– Wins

– Challenges

– Lessons learned

– Progress made on my top goals

– What I read or heard that made an impression (books, podcasts, etc)

– What I created (course content, blog post, new recipe, etc)

– Gratitudes

– What to focus on next week

I typically just write a few bullet-point items for each. Not only is this practice helpful in the moment (and allows for immediate course-correcting where needed), it’s also interesting to flip back through over time!

Do you conduct a routine check-in with yourself? What questions do you ask?

Get your free Big Dreams, Bold Goals! e-book here!

Ask A Different Question

Christi Hegstad April 15th, 2021

What if you asked a different question?

For example:

Instead of, “Why is this always so difficult?” – try, “What are 3 things I could do to make this easier?”

Instead of, “Why am I so far behind?” – try, “How far have I come since I started?”

Instead of, “Why can’t I figure this out?” – try, “If my best friend came to me with this problem, what advice would I give?”

Instead of, “Why won’t this ever work?” – try, “What could I do differently?”

Instead of, “Why can’t I reach this goal?” – try, “What needs to change for me to feel successful?”

Instead of, “When will this ever change?” – try, “What is within my power to change right now?”

This week, ask yourself different questions.

The quality of our responses depends on the quality of our questions.

If you’re frustrated by the same responses, try experimenting with different questions.

And don’t forget one of our most valuable questions available:

Who can I ask for help?

Get your free Big Dreams, Bold Goals! ebook here!

What Limitations Have You Set For Yourself?

Christi Hegstad April 12th, 2021

Imagine if you and every person you know began actualizing his or her full potential, if each of us were to discover how to overcome our self-imposed limitations and begin creating everything we want for our lives while making a profound impact in the world. – Hal Elrod

Elrod packed a lot into that one sentence, and different points stand out to me at different times.

Currently, it’s this:

“Our self-imposed limitations.”

This week, step beyond a self-imposed limitation.

Where do you hold yourself back?

Maybe you don’t feel knowledgeable enough to state your thoughts in a meeting.

Maybe you doubt your abilities and therefore won’t apply for the leadership position.

Maybe you allow the “But I’ve never done that before” thought to keep you from trying something new or different.

Consider where you might be holding yourself back. Then challenge yourself to take a step – even just one step – beyond!

Want to achieve something bold and meaningful? Contact me today about coaching!

Author Archives: Christi Hegstad

The Quit vs. Persevere Dilemma

“Boundaries are assertive steps that you take verbally and behaviorally to create a peaceful life.” (p120)

“Burnout is overwhelming, and boundaries are the cure.” (p29)

“People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.” (pXVIII)