How To Set, Honor, and Appreciate Boundaries

Christi Hegstad May 4th, 2021

Many years ago, I heard boundaries described like a fence around a backyard swimming pool.

Without the fence, people may fall into the pool, or strangers may use the pool without permission, or guests may show up at all hours to swim without our knowledge. A pool without a fence isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

With the fence, however, we can decide when, and to whom, we will open the gate.

This sounded much more proactive and win-win than the large brick walls I had considered boundaries in the past.

I recently read Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, in preparation for some client work, which expanded my understanding of boundaries even further. Here are three of my favorite lines – and key takeaways – from this very applicable resource:

“Boundaries are assertive steps that you take verbally and behaviorally to create a peaceful life.” (p120)

We can often think of boundaries in a negative context, like the ‘brick wall’ idea I held years ago. Tawwab does an excellent job shining the light on the benefits of boundaries instead, often returning to the peacefulness they can bring. Clarity with boundaries can reduce overthinking, minimize conflict over unmet expectations, decrease resentment, and myriad additional benefits.

“Burnout is overwhelming, and boundaries are the cure.” (p29)

Tawwab makes an excellent case for the connection between boundaries and burnout. Since contributors to burnout include things like not knowing when or how to say no, people-pleasing, and unrealistic expectations of self and/or others, identifying our culprits and setting boundaries around them goes a long way toward preventing unnecessary burnout.

“People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.” (pXVIII)

We might find ourselves frustrated with others for not honoring what we consider common sense: “They should just know!” we might lament. Tawwab reminds us, however, that common sense isn’t necessarily universal but rather based on our own life experiences. All the more reason for clarity, communication, and action in honoring our boundaries.

I appreciated the bullet-point style of tips throughout the book, the examples from Tawwab’s therapy practice as well as her own life (ie, her list highlighting things she does to reduce the likelihood of burnout), and the attention paid to navigating others’ possible reactions when we set boundaries for ourselves.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace – combined with a few additional resources like Sarri Gilman’s TED Talk – offer a terrific and doable starting point for setting healthy boundaries and finding peace!

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Clarity, Community, and Coaching – Plus Recommended Reading – To Help You Flourish!

Christi Hegstad November 12th, 2020

Imagine the ease and delight in knowing you have an entire year of personal and professional development lined up!

The 2021 ASPIRE Success Club is now enrolling – for a limited time! If you love the idea of connecting with a positive, inspiring group of achievers each month to set and reach your most meaningful goals, build extraordinary relationships, discuss exceptional personal and professional development concepts, learn new techniques and proven best practices, and have a built-in cheerleading squad, this is the group for you! Click here to learn more and join!

In addition to all of the above features, we recommend four books throughout the year to support our discussions and personal / professional growth. As we now enter our 11th year of the ASPIRE Success Club, we’ve established quite a collection of excellent books! Below you’ll find the four we’ve selected for 2021:

The 12-Week Year by Brian Moran + Michael Lennington

Every year, ASPIRE members receive the training and support to set and reach a Bold Goal – one that typically takes the better part of the year to achieve. In 2021, however, we are adding a quarterly Bold Goal focus, which Moran + Lennington’s book will complement well.

If you tend to be most productive as you near a deadline, or if 4th quarter tends to outshine the rest of the year in terms of sales or production (as it does for many), this book challenges us to adopt that “home stretch” experience much more effectively. I’ll be weaving in some principles from The 4 Disciplines of Execution by McChesney, et al in our ASPIRE Success Club meetings here, too.

Chasing The Bright Side by Jess Ekstrom

What role does optimism play in business and leadership? For Ekstrom, founder and CEO of Headbands of Hope, a significant one – and she shares her story and so much more in this delightful and insightful book. Her actions and principles support much of what positive psychology has taught us over the past couple of decades, and she writes about them in such an engaging way that you feel like you’re reading a novel – or a letter from a friend.

I can’t wait to share with ASPIRE the strategies I learned while earning my Positive Psychology + Wellbeing Coaching certification, and align them with concepts from this enlightening book!

The Energy Clock by Molly Fletcher

I have read approximately a million time management books (give or take 🙂 ), but Fletcher’s takes the concept ten steps further. I love her three suggestions for categorizing activities based on how they impact our energy, and then her sound solutions for implementing change to increase our wellbeing, effectiveness, and joy.

This is a quick read that packs a powerful punch, and I am excited to supplement it in ASPIRE with the time, energy, and purposeful productivity tools and resources that I often use in my coaching practice.

The Power of Moments by Chip Heath + Dan Heath

We typically pay special tribute to big life events: graduations, weddings, and the like. But as we grow, we tend to learn that the most meaningful experiences in our lives aren’t necessarily the big, grand to-do’s but rather the small, poignant moments.

The Heath brothers share so many examples of powerful moments that I never would have even thought to celebrate or mark somehow – but now I definitely do! ASPIRE members will love the experiential activities we’ll introduce to truly make moments count in work, leadership, and life!

We only open enrollment to the ASPIRE Success Club once per year, and now is that time (and for just a little while longer!). Join today and rest easy in knowing you have an entire year of personal and professional development lined up in 2021!

Questions? Email us here – we’re happy to help!

Here’s to the clarity, community, and coaching of ASPIRE to support our FLOURISHING 2021!

Join us for big dreams, bold goals, and abundant meaning and purpose in the ASPIRE Success Club! Our once-a-year enrollment is NOW OPEN for a limited time – get the details and join us here!

Making Your Impact Through Memorable Moments

Christi Hegstad January 14th, 2020

How can you create memorable – potentially life-changing – moments for your team, your family, and even people you may never actually meet?

Chip and Dan Heath, the brothers who brought us Made To Stick and Decisive, answer this question in their latest book, The Power Of Moments. While the suggestions and research they share are fantastic, what really knocks this book out of the park are the numerous stories.

Perhaps my favorite was that of Doug Dietz, who spent years creating a state of the art MRI machine – only to discover that it terrified the children needing it. He went back to the drawing board, this time taking a child’s perspective, and ultimately designed machines that looked like jungle adventures, pirate ships, and more. Dietz, who also has a TED Talk, turned a potentially frightening experience into a memorable, inviting, even fun moment: After her MRI, one little girl asked her mom, ‘Can we come back tomorrow?’

This book offers terrific insights for making a positive, purposeful impact on others by being intentional and a bit creative. Recommended reading for organizational leaders, teachers, coaches, and anyone who desires to make a difference!

>> Friends, I am thinking about posting a brief, weekly’ish Thursday book review on social media, sharing highlights from what I’m reading. Would you enjoy this? If so, please let me know at Instagram or Facebook!

Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC is the Certified Executive + Personal Coach for difference-making achievers! Clarify your vision, free up time, and confidently reach bold, compelling goals that matter! Contact us today for coaching, speaking, and Mastermind opportunities, or click here and fill in the blue box to join our email community.

The 5 Best Books I’ve Read This Year!

Christi Hegstad December 12th, 2019

Author’s Note: I did not include the recommended reading for the 2020 ASPIRE Success Club – some of which are pictured above. These books are so outstanding, the group will be dedicating more time on them throughout the year!

It’s that time of year again! And can I just tell you, it makes my literacy-advocate-heart happy that so many of you ask about this list each year! 🙂 A quick shout-out to everyone who enrolled in the 2020 ASPIRE Success Club too, for a portion of each enrollment supports Everybody Wins! Iowa or Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library – two excellent organizations building strong readers in our world.

Choosing my favorite books generally proves quite a challenging task. I typically read 60+ books each year (click here if you wonder how), so selecting just a few favorites often involves lists and crossing out and changing my mind and weighing positives and drawbacks and circling back and…

(Oh, have I mentioned I am a bit of a booknerd? :-))

Much to my surprise, however, my favorites this year easily rose to the surface!

Before we jump in, keep in mind these are books I’ve read this year (not necessarily published this year), and I haven’t included our 2020 ASPIRE Success Club picks which are outstanding (see my intro above). Also, these are my nonfiction favorites; you can find my fiction picks on Instagram in the near future.

Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb

While I am often moved by books, it’s rather rare to find one that makes me laugh out loud repeatedly, cry unabashedly, and connect me to humanity in ways I never expected. Gottlieb’s creation did that for me. She masterfully writes from her perspective both as a therapist as well as from being in therapy herself, and her stories remind us how we are all navigating challenges – many times that others know nothing about. Beautiful, insightful, and thoroughly engaging.

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

I have sung Cal Newport’s praises all over the internet for years, though he will probably never know since he spends little to no time on social media! In Digital Minimalism he explains why, and offers so many insights and practical tips for taming screen usage in our own lives. I especially liked his emphasis on first determining your values, then using (or not using) platforms in ways that support those values. Much like Deep Work a few years ago, this book changed the way I think as well as many of my behaviors.

Building A Story Brand by Donald Miller

If you need to clearly articulate a message – whether in business, marketing, or even when telling people what you do for a living – I cannot recommend Miller’s book highly enough. He eloquently describes the power and typical format of a strong story, offers tips for cutting out the excess, and gives numerous examples to demonstrate his points. I have since listened to his podcast by the same name, and his body of work has truly prompted great change in my business and communication!

Becoming by Michelle Obama

I love memoirs, and I learned so much from this one – especially on topics I wasn’t expecting! Obama writes candidly about her many educational and professional pursuits, experimenting with ways to create work / life balance, navigating life and parenthood in the public eye, health challenges, relationship lessons, family dynamics, and so much more. Though many of her experiences differ from my own, I found her story incredibly relatable and highly inspiring.

Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans

Some of you may have first met me from attending my Life Of No Regrets (LONR) events over a decade ago. When I came across Designing Your Lifeearlier this year, it felt quite reminiscent of LONR – but from a systems perspective from two leaders in the Stanford Design Program. “Designers don’t think their way forward,” they write, “they build their way forward.” An excellent resource for uncovering meaningful work, reframing experiences, taking action, learning from failure, and designing a life you love.

What excellent book have you read lately? Let me know on Facebook or Instagram!

How Do You Set The Tone For Your Day?

Christi Hegstad September 6th, 2019

“You can allow yourself to become paralyzed by fear of rejection, or you can go out there and astonish the world. But you don’t get to do both.” – Robin Sharma

Robin Sharma’s latest book, The 5am Club, surprised me.

Although I have a solid and longstanding morning practice in place (which I’ve written about many times, including here), I am somewhat obsessed with learning how others start their days with intention.

While I expected to gain new morning-focused ideas or inspiration with this book, what I wasn’t expecting – and honestly, what I gained more of – were the great insights into leadership, creative clarity, and mastery. I started with a library copy of The 5am Club and ended up purchasing the book because there were so many lines I wanted to highlight!

I typically wake up at 5:30am, but for the past two weeks as I’ve been reading the book, I’ve pushed my wakeup time to 5am. The difference this has produced in my days has also surprised me! I will share more in my upcoming newsletter (email me if you’d like to receive this!).

One other surprise: this book is written as a leadership parable, a style I have never really embraced (give me straight nonfiction or a sweeping novel, but don’t try blending the two, I guess! ?). Even still, it captured my interest all the way through.

Sharma offers great thoughts about living on purpose and making a positive difference in the lives of others, and I loved the reminder to avoid making assumptions, too. We never know what’s going on behind the scenes in someone’s life.

Are you an early riser? What helps you start your day off with positivity and purpose? Share your thoughts below or on Instagram or Facebook!

Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC is The Certified Executive + Personal Coach for difference-making achievers! Clarify your vision, free up time, and confidently reach bold, compelling goals that matter! Contact us today for coaching, speaking, and Mastermind opportunities, or click here and fill in the blue box to join our email community.

Maybe You Should Talk To Someone {Book Takeaways}

Christi Hegstad July 25th, 2019

I recently received Lori Gottlieb’s new book, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. As soon as I started reading, I predicted I would have a tough time putting it down.

That prediction (which I promptly posted on Instagram) turned out to be 100% accurate.

What an incredible read! Gottlieb, a therapist also in therapy herself, provides a beautiful look into the power of the human spirit. Insightful, witty, relatable, and real, she honestly had me laughing out loud one minute and wiping away tears the next.

If I could capture the book’s essence in a few words, these come to mind immediately:

Humanity.

Perspective.

Compassion.

Resilience.

Courage.

This is one of the best books I’ve read all year, offering a powerful reminder that regardless of appearances, we all deal with challenges we may hesitate to share. Her stories demonstrate what a life-changing difference compassion and empathy – both for others *and* for ourselves – can make.

This one will stay with me for a long time – I highly recommend it!

What other books have reminded you of the inspiring power of the human spirit?

Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC is an executive coach helping you design your ideal vision and achieve it with clarity, confidence, and meaningful action! Join our community: Click here and fill in the blue box or send us an email!

Dr. Christi’s 3 Favorite Books of 2018

Christi Hegstad November 8th, 2018

If you’re a book nerd like me, you’ve probably anxiously awaited this annual list! 🙂 Even if you’re not, I trust you will find something useful for yourself, your employees, or others in your circle.

I know we have several weeks remaining in 2018, which means I may still read something equally amazing (Brene Brown’s Dare To Lead is just sitting on my desk, begging for my attention…). But I am sharing this list now because my December newsletter will provide you with a tool to help you gear up for a positive, purposeful 2019. If any more books rise to the top between now and December 31, I promise to update you on Instagram!

My newsletter subscribers received info about my top 7 books of the year, and this post shares 3 of them (sign up here so you always get the bonus info, too!). As always, these are books I’ve read in 2018 – not necessarily that were published this year. Also, this makes up my nonfiction list; I will share my favorite fiction books of the year on Instagram soon, too.

OK, let’s dive in!

1. Grit by Angela Duckworth

If you think your success depends on talent, IQ, or circumstances, you mustread this book. A phenomenal, evidence-based look at the power of grit – a combination of passion and perseverance – and how we can leverage, enhance, and develop more grit where it matters most. Duckworth provides numerous stories and examples of grit in business, leadership, parenting, passion projects, and so much more. One of my colleagues rereads this book every year and I can see why – it is paradigm-shifting!

2. The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

While I’ve read other LaPorte books, none has impacted me nearly as much as this one. A unique, refreshing, sometimes counterintuitive way to approach goals, she shines the light on aspects we may never have considered – especially if our experience has been along the traditional, SMART-goal type of path. A great resource for those looking for a fluid, intuitive way toward a fulfilling work and life experience.

3. Soulful Simplicity by Courtney Carver

I have read countless books on simplifying, decluttering, minimalizing, and the like, so when I picked up this book earlier this year I was not expecting anything new or awe-inspiring. Let me just say Carver completely surprised me. She dives into simplicity in such approachable, meaningful ways with lessons that can be applied at work, in our families, in our personal lives, and beyond. So heartwarming, purposeful, and practical!

Simplicity Legacy Carver Quote Book Coffee

We plan to discuss topics from these books and more in the 2019 ASPIRE Success Club! Enrollment will close before my next monthly newsletter comes out, so if you are interested be sure to enroll ASAP!

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Which of these books will you check out? Let me know if you do – it makes my literacy-advocate heart happy to hear! Share your thoughts – as well as additional book recommendations – on the blog, Instagram, or Facebook! Obsessive readers will thank you for adding to our must-read lists. 🙂

Join the 2019 ASPIRE Success Club before enrollment closes! Details here. Newsletter subscribers learned about my top 7 books of the year – if you want to make sure you don’t miss out on similar bonus info, subscribe here.

To add another 40 or so books to your must-read list, check out my favorites from past years, too:

5 Books For Goal Achievers (And Those Who Want To Be!)

Christi Hegstad October 23rd, 2018

Whether you find goals motivating and focusing or restricting and pressure-filled, they likely play a role in your life in some form. Personally, I have been a fan since childhood and often wonder how (if?) I would get anything done without setting goals!

For example, I can tell myself I want to run every day – but until I sign myself up for a race or identify the number of miles I want to run in a month, that ‘idea’ keeps me company while I do pretty much anything but run. With the power of goals, however, I have run two half-marathons, a marathon, and several other shorter races – things I certainly don’t believe I would have done without first creating goals.

Goals, of course, play a significant role in my coaching work as well. Here are some of the goal-related books I often return to and/or recommend to clients that you may find helpful, too:

The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy

This quick read offers great examples of how small steps, performed consistently over time, lead to big results. Instead of relying on willpower, which research shows us is in limited supply, Hardy makes the case for setting goals and realizing that the tiny, conscious decisions we make in favor of them each day can eventually, like minor adjustments to a plane in flight, change the trajectory of our lives. Very practical with numerous examples in business, relationships, finances, and health.

Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D.

When it comes to goals, I consider Dr. Halvorson among the masters. This book is supported by sound research and written in a very applicable and entertaining way. Although I have researched goals extensively throughout my education and career, Halvorson’s book is one of the few (and, in my opinion, the best I’ve found so far) to include helpful insights on when to view obstacles as tests of persistence vs. signals that it may be time to let go of that goal. With a forward written by Dr. Carol Dweck (author of Mindset and another mentor-from-afar of mine), you know it’s going to be a worthwhile read!

Write It Down, Make It Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser, Ph.D.

I love the simplicity of focus with this book: If you write down your goals, you’re more likely to achieve them. You may wonder how an entire book stems from that premise, but Dr. Klauser elaborates beautifully with how to generate goal ideas, ways to write them so they inspire and affirm rather than prompt dread or guilt, ways to stay committed, and the importance of engaging your whole being into goal creation rather than just setting slight increases from last year or, even less motivating, going by ‘shoulds.’ Useful, practical, and motivating.

Goals! by Brian Tracy

Tracy, a prolific author with over 70 titles to his name, is known for offering simple, pragmatic, and useful tips. From identifying and removing roadblocks to surrounding yourself with the right people to reviewing and visualizing your goals frequently, he shares suggestions that you can implement immediately. I also appreciate his emphasis on linking goals to the bigger picture: “Goals give you that sense of meaning and purpose, a clear sense of direction,” Tracy writes. “Goals enable you to instill meaning and purpose into everything you do.”

The Power of Less by Leo Babauta

Though mostly a book about minimalism, when I read this for the first time nearly ten years ago, I really resonated with the chapters on simplifying goals, tasks, routines, and time. Babauta’s own story is quite compelling: He has used his methodology to quit smoking, start running and complete triathlons, eliminate debt, lose 40+ pounds, quit his job and work from home, and simplify life with his family (he’s a married father of six). From what I have seen of his more recent writing, his practices have changed quite a bit over the years, but I still flip through this gem for a quick motivational boost.

Another goal-setting book appeared on my radar a few months ago and will be included in the newsletter I mentioned above; in addition, it is one of our 2019 ASPIRE Success Club picks (which will be revealed next week)!

Have you read any of these? What is one of your favorite goal-related books? Share below or on Instagram or Facebook!

Enrollment to the 2019 ASPIRE Success Club opens soon! Join our email community for the early announcement and a special subscriber-only savings!

In A Rut – Or A Groove?

Christi Hegstad September 25th, 2018

Feel stuck in ‘same thing, different day’ mode? I love the distinction Twyla Tharp makes between a rut and a groove in her book, The Creative Habit:

“A rut is when you’re spinning your wheels and staying in place; the only progress you make is digging yourself a deeper rut. A groove is different: The wheels turn and you move forward effortlessly. It can mean all the difference in the world.”

If you’re in a groove, enjoy!

If you’re in a rut, what’s one small thing you might do differently today?

Need help getting unstuck? Click here and become part of our community!

Grit: The Secret Ingredient To Meaningful Work And A Purposeful Life

Christi Hegstad May 3rd, 2018

Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare. ~ Angela Duckworth

How’s your stick-to-it-iveness?

When you set your sights on a meaningful goal, how well do you persevere – especially when the going gets tough?

How gritty are you, really?

Turns out your grit level may be a bigger factor in your success, life + job satisfaction, and overall wellbeing than you ever realized, according to research by Dr. Angela Duckworth. More than talent, more than skill, grit – which combines passion and perseverance – can be the ingredient that changes everything.

I watched Duckworth’s TED Talk years ago but only recently read her book, Grit. Honestly, Grit is one of the two best books I have read this year (The Book Of Joy is the other).

I have been weaving my takeaways from Grit into my work with coaching clients, as Duckworth offers numerous practical strategies for building grit, breaking down goals for greater success, and powerfully connecting grit with such concepts as hope, mindset, and kaizen or continuous improvement. Her findings can make an immediate and profound impact; I know simply reading the book reinvigorated my own commitment toward my goals!

But what I’d like to share here in the blog is the link between grit and my focus area, purpose. “At its core,” Duckworth writes, “purpose is the idea that what we do matters to people other than ourselves.” She devotes an entire chapter to purpose, and I’ll admit I highlighted nearly the entire chapter.

Purpose serves as an incredibly powerful source of motivation. “Whatever your age,” Duckworth writes, “it’s never too early or late to begin cultivating a sense of purpose.” She offers numerous evidence-based ideas and closes the chapter with three recommendations from prominent purpose researchers:

#1: Reflect on how the work in which you’re already engaged makes – or can make – a positive contribution to society, suggests David Yeager.

#2: Think of ways you can alter the work you do to increase its connection to your core values, offers Amy Wrzesniewski.

#3: Find a purposeful role model to inspire you, says Bill Damon.

“How you see your work is more important than your job title,” Duckworth states. “And this means that you can go from job to career to calling – all without changing your occupation.” I’ve witnessed this time and again with coaching clients; you can read about one such example of a “desk jockey” turned life-saver here.

While I believe this book can benefit everyone, I highly recommend it for leaders, parents (Chapter 10 is titled to “Parenting for Grit”), teachers, coaches, and anyone dedicated to the growth and development of others. You will also benefit from reading Grit if you need a boost in motivation toward your own goals and dreams.

Want to see where you fall on Duckworth’s grit scale? Click here – then follow up by reading the book!

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