Category Archives: Uncategorized

Am I Giving Myself Grace – Or Making Excuses?

Christi Hegstad September 14th, 2022

When I met with my coach recently, I wasn’t sure which I needed more – a motivating pep talk or a metaphorical kick in the pants.

A bit of background:

I had been through a rather challenging season. Several unexpected twists and events had caused me to take a step back, regroup, and reevaluate my priorities. If I didn’t reach a particular milestone or wasn’t as productive as I’d like, I gave myself some grace.

And I’m glad for that.

At some point, however, I realized this was no longer serving me. As I state on my About page, my favorite days – the days when I feel at my best – are those with a healthy blend of productivity and peacefulness. I had reached a point where I essentially felt neither of those things!

So I started paying attention to when I put off a task or procrastinated on a project. And I began asking a few questions:

Why am I putting this off?

What do I most need in this moment?

How will I feel seeing this appear yet again on my to-do list?

Just pausing to briefly reflect in this manner – rather than throwing up my hands in apparent overwhelm – did wonders. And the answers I happened upon were quite telling, too.

For example, I realized I was regularly putting things off due to reasons we often put things off: fear, uncertainty, a sense of ‘But I shouldn’t have to do this!’

With that awareness, I could more honestly address what I most needed in the moment. Sometimes it was grace, sometimes it was self-compassion, sometimes it was a firm self-talking-to.

Often times it was a quick walk around the block to clear my head and come back ready to start fresh.

And my answer to the third question, about seeing it on my to-do list another day or week? In most cases I knew I’d feel even more deflated and demotivated! That was frequently enough to kickstart me into motion – whether that meant doing, delegating, or removing it from my list altogether.

In the end, I don’t think my title question was truly an either/or – but rather an and. I needed to give myself grace – and rest, and compassion, and room to breathe – for a period. And when that eventually felt more like making excuses and was taking its own kind of toll, I needed to shift into action and decisiveness and confident, motivating self-talk.

It’s rarely black or white. I’m learning to live in the gray.

(Sometimes, anyway.)

How about you? Do you notice a difference between giving yourself grace and making excuses? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

 

Dear Dr. Christi: Making Decisions Without Second-Guessing

Christi Hegstad September 13th, 2022

Dear Dr. Christi,

I struggle so much with making decisions. Then, after I make one, I constantly go back and forth about whether it was the right one. Do you have any tips or even book recommendations that might help? 

You’ve posed an excellent, and very common, challenge. Many of us struggle with decision-making in general; others may face the challenge in specific life areas. Decision fatigue, regret, or a recent hit to our confidence can also exacerbate the issue.

I, too, have struggled with strong decision-making, particularly early in my career. One solution I have found helpful involved creating a set of Guiding Principles for myself – a list of 5-7 ‘rules to live by,’ so to speak.

My #1 Guiding Principle all those years ago that remains #1 to this day?

Decide And Take Action.

Essentially, this reminds me to conduct my due diligence, make my best decision, then immediately take an action in favor of that decision. This turns my energy into creating momentum on my decision rather than worrying about the paths not taken.

You might also reflect on strong decisions you’ve made in the past and tease them apart for clues: What did you do in advance of the decision? What helped you ultimately decide? What contributed to that decision standing out in your mind as a strong one? Often our best clues can be found within our own history.

Finally, one of my all-time favorite resources on the topic of decision-making is Suzy Welch’s excellent book, 10 10 10. Basically, her process encourages you to make a hypothetical decision, then imagine the consequences – both positive and negative – 10 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years from now. You can then repeat the exercise choosing other hypothetical decisions.

You may find your ‘best’ answer naturally becoming clear through this process. As an added benefit, I often find simply walking through the exercise calms me down enough to make a stronger, more confident decision.

And to be honest, many times I realize that 10 months from now (let alone 10 years from now) I probably won’t even remember stressing over this particular decision!

I recommend reading Welch’s book, as she offers numerous examples of the 10 10 10 process in action. You can also find a good overview in this article.

I hope this helps! Here’s to strong, confident, uncluttered decisions for all!

Feel free to share your decision-making tips in the comments below! And if you have a question you’d like Dr. Christi to address in a future installment, leave it below or email our office.

 

When You’re Stuck In A Rut

Christi Hegstad September 12th, 2022
Have you felt stuck in a rut lately?
Whether it’s a sense of ‘same stuff / different day,’ ongoing challenges, or feeling completely empty of new ideas, being in a rut is – to say the least – no fun.
And if continued unchecked, it can start to mess with our confidence and motivation, too.
This week, take one step toward *vibrance*.
The idea of climbing out of a rut can sound hard when you’re in one. So let’s flip the switch:
Instead of asking ‘What will get me out of this rut?’ try asking, ‘What will move me one step closer to vibrance / energy / delight?’
Maybe it’s a coffee date with a respected colleague, an afternoon of baking while listening to your favorite podcast, a walk along the shore of a nearby lake at sunrise.
Take just one action in the direction of vibrance. Tomorrow, you can take another.
You may soon find that rut is far behind you!

Replacing Self-Doubt With Self-Reflection

Christi Hegstad July 24th, 2022
“Question yourself, yes, but don’t doubt yourself. There’s a difference.” – Charmaine Wilkerson
This quarter in the ASPIRE Success Club, we are focusing on mental strength: Building it, deepening it, and cultivating it in ourselves and others.
The above quote, which comes from a novel (rather than one of our nonfiction texts this quarter), beautifully captures how confidence and mental strength can exist right alongside open-mindedness, perspective, and a willingness to grow.
This week, replace self-doubt with self-reflection.
Instead of assuming you don’t ‘have what it takes’ if you make a mistake, ask, “What are three things I could do differently next time?”
Instead of criticism about not reaching your goal yet, ask, “What’s getting in my way? How might I change that?”
Instead of not applying for the role because you’ve never done it before, ask, “What would help shorten my learning curve?”
You’ve got this! You may just need to ask different questions.
Ready to make your next chapter your BEST one? I can help – contact my office today!

My Twist + Responses To The Midyear Review

Christi Hegstad July 20th, 2022

A few weeks ago, almost smack-dab in the middle of the year, I celebrated a milestone birthday.

And as my email community knows, because I send them a big list of questions to ask themselves, I looooove a good midyear review + planning session!

This year, however, my milestone birthday prompted me to conduct mine a little differently. Below are twists I added, which you can certainly adopt whether you’re approaching/experiencing a milestone birthday, a different role or career path, a change in life or job status, an empty nest, or any form of new chapter.

Then, keep reading if you’d like to see my responses to a few of the review questions (and stay tuned for the outcomes of my ‘planning’ portion!).

A New Twist On The Ol’ Review

Most notably, instead of looking just at the first half of 2022, I actually looked at my whole life up to this point.

Now, that may sound overwhelming (well, depending on your age, I suppose!), but I divided it into decades: Birth to age 10, age 10-20, and so on. Then for each decade, I asked a few questions:

What moments or experiences stand out?

Highs and lows, personal and work- or school-related, whatever came to mind. Just a few bullet points for each decade.

What major lessons did I take from that decade?

This was actually very thought-provoking, a bit surprising in some cases, and utterly fascinating. Again, I basically did this in a bullet-point format; I’m sure I could have listed a million lessons for each, but I stuck to just a handful.

What word or phrase captures the essence of that decade?

My first couple of decades, for example, primarily encompassed learning: about myself, the world around me, and from an academic perspective. And although each decade held a variety of experiences and lessons, I was actually surprised that I could generally sum them up in a few words.

Consider adapting this in a way that suits you. If you are embarking on a new role in your career, for example, you could list all your previous roles (instead of decades) and ask the same three questions.

My Responses

Here are my responses to a few of the review questions. (If you’d like the full list of questions, make sure you’re part of my email community!)

What moments or experiences stand out?

In my overall life review, pivotal experiences varied widely: Raising my children. A completed marathon. An emergency trip by ambulance. Hosting my first public event. The death of my Mom. Moving to Iowa.

Positive and negative. Some things I planned for years, and some I never would have wished for.

Lessons from them all.

If I could choose a word or theme to represent the first half of the year, what would I choose?

My word for the first half of 2022 was ‘whirlwindy.’ (Yes, I make up words in my reviews. :-))

In the first half of 2022, my youngest kiddo graduated from high school and my middle one from college, my oldest backpacked much of Europe, we experienced some family and health challenges, we took an incredible family vacation, I made a significant decision regarding the future of my business, I lost touch with some people and rekindled relationships with others.

Rollercoastery. Whirlwindy. Both seem accurate!

What has contributed to my growth, personally and professionally? 

My answer for this applies to both the first half of 2022 as well as the last few decades: Working with a coach. Reading loads of books. Joining groups, attending conferences, enrolling in classes. Engaging in meaningful conversations. Seeking help from friends and hiring help from professionals, depending on the situation.

What habits have I started? Stopped? Continued? How are they impacting me?

LOTS of habits over the years, but one that I started decades ago and have continued ever since has, I believe, impacted my life the most:

My morning practice!

The time and some of the contents have changed over the years, but the commitment to start my day in a positive and purposeful way has truly been life-changing for me.

Going Forward

An important part of the Review + Planning Session is, of course, the planning! The dreaming! The envisioning and goal-setting! For the record, I spend much more time on this portion than on the review.

This time, in addition to looking ahead to the second half of the year, I also asked myself this question:

What does ten-years-from-now Christi want to look back and say about her previous decade?

I found that placing myself ten years in the future, looking back, expanded my vision greatly. Stay tuned for more on that!

So there you have it – a few twists, examples, and ideas to hopefully help you celebrate your growth and start designing your best next chapter! If I can support you in this or along the way, please reach out – it’s one of my all-time favorite things to do!

Ready to design and achieve your BEST next chapter? Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC can help! Reach out today to discuss possibilities!

Your Midyear (or Midmonth, or Midlife) Review + Planning Session!

Christi Hegstad July 13th, 2022

The last several months have felt quite whirlwind-y to me:

My youngest kiddo graduated from high school.

I celebrated a milestone birthday.

My business is undergoing massive transformation as it approaches its 20-year anniversary.

Throw in various family, health, and world events, and some days I picture myself a bit like the ‘Taz’ cartoon character from days gone by!

While I’ve shifted from excited to exhausted to exhilarated and back, I have also been purposeful about taking time to reflect on the past and envision the ideal future, as well. You probably know by now my love for the Weekly Review + Planning Session (aka, Weekly R+P) as well as similar processes at other points throughout the year. This season I’ve kicked it up a notch, asking myself a ton of questions to help ensure that my next chapter is my best chapter. I thought I’d share some of those questions with you, so you can ask them of yourself whether as a midyear – or midmonth, or even midlife – inventory.

After considering the questions below, if you’d like help gaining clarity on your best next chapter and how to actually achieve it, please reach out – I will soon have openings for new coaching clients and I’d love to chat with you about possibilities!

Conducting Your Personal Review + Planning Session

Step 1: Gather your journal, pen, and a beverage, and find a quiet space.

Step 2: Determine the time frame for your review. I’ve phrased the questions as a midyear inventory; for my recent birthday, however, I actually did a general life review in decades, then envisioned and planned for the decade ahead. Choose and reword accordingly.

Step 3: Ask yourself the following questions, or pick and choose the ones that speak to you, or create your own list – whatever serves you best!

REVIEWING:

(Respond without being humble and without any self-criticism or judgment.)

Looking back over the first half of the year…

1. What are some of my highlights? What makes these stand out for me?

2. What challenges have I faced? What helped / is helping me work through them?

3. If I could choose a word or theme to represent the first half of the year, what would I choose?

4. What lessons have I learned or been reminded of about myself, my work, my community / world, life in general?

5. What has contributed to my growth, personally and professionally? (For example, a class you took, coach you hired, group you joined, etc)

6. What goals did I set for this year, and how am I doing with them?

7. What habits have I started? What habits have I stopped? What have I continued? How are these impacting me?

8. What relationships (family, professional, friendships, etc) have I established or strengthened this year?

9. What stand out as favorites so far this year? Think books, blogs, foods, movies, workouts, whatever comes to mind.

10. Overall, how would I describe my first half of the year?

ENVISIONING + PLANNING:

(Dream and have fun with this section, focusing on the what and not the how.)

As I look ahead to the second half of the year…

11. What highlight moments do I want to experience? At the end of the year, what do I truly want to be celebrating?

12. What obstacles might I face along the way? How can I best prepare for them?

13. What word or theme do I proactively choose now to describe my second half of the year?

14. What guiding principles, life lessons, or mantras will be helpful to keep in mind?

15. What class, coach, book, conference, and/or other resources will I commit to in order to grow personally and professionally?

16. What is my top-priority goal(s) for the second half of the year? How will I keep this present, alive, and moving forward?

17. What habits do I commit to starting, stopping, and continuing? What will help me stay on track? (Note: Don’t overlook the ‘continue’ portion of this question! Pay attention to what’s working for you so you can intentionally keep it going.)

18. With whom do I want to build or strengthen a relationship? Feel free to name names here, as well as general ideas like ‘a mentor in my industry.’

19. What areas do I want to develop or learn more about? What books will I read in the second half of the year? (Search ‘books’ on my blog for countless recommendations!)

20. On December 31, as I look back over this entire year, what do I most want to say about it? How will I describe it? What other actions will help ensure this becomes my reality?

If you’d like to see how I answered some of these questions myself, be sure to subscribe to my newsletter (and grab your free Big Dreams, Bold Goals! workbook while you’re at it)!

What highlight stands out from your first half of the year? What goal, event, or activity are you particularly excited about in the second half? Share below!

Ready to design and achieve your BEST next chapter? Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC can help! Reach out today to discuss possibilities!

May ’22 Reading Wrap-up

Christi Hegstad May 26th, 2022

I have enjoyed a massive (for me) reading month, thanks in large part to this helpful spring formula:

Better weather + longer outdoor walks + audiobooks = more books completed than usual!

Plus add several hours in the car and there you have it.

In May, I finished ten books – five fiction and five nonfiction – bringing my total for the year so far to 41 books. I track them in my reading bullet journal (aka, bujo), writing a brief snippet for each as well as listing all of them on my ‘bujo bookshelf’:

2022 Bujo Bookshelf as of May

Pretty high-tech, eh? 🙂

Below you’ll find brief commentary on each of my May reads, fiction followed by nonfiction, plus which books turned out to be my favorites of the month!

Opal Nev book

The Final Revival of Opal & Nev by Dawnie Walton

I had the pleasure of meeting Dawnie Walton recently at the Des Moines Book Festival, shortly after her book was longlisted for the Women’s Prize for Fiction, and there is something extraordinary about reading a book that the author has just signed for you! I listened to much of this one as well, my first experience with a full-cast narration – it was like a play being performed in my headphones. I loved the story, the narrative arc, the character development, and my entire reading experience with this one!

Sweetness Bottom Pie book

The Sweetness At The Bottom Of The Pie by Alan Bradley

This is the first in a ten-part (I believe) mystery series starring the bright and precocious Flavia de Luce, an 11-year-old chemistry buff and, as it turns out, detective. This was a fun read and I adored the style and voice of the audiobook narrator, Jayne Entwistle. Set in the 1950s in rural England (the setting was wonderful!), this would probably qualify as a ‘cozy mystery.’

Unnecessary Woman book

An Unnecessary Woman by Rabih Alameddine

Part of my family heritage is Lebanese, so I am often on the lookout for books written by Lebanese authors and/or set in Lebanon. This novel features a 70-something woman living alone in Beirut, addressing common life experiences (relationships, work, friendship, etc.) in a not-always-common way or environment. A thoughtful story, and beautifully crafted on a sentence level; one of several that I tabbed, for example: “No nostalgia is felt as keenly as nostalgia for things that never existed.”

Death Nile book

Death On The Nile by Agatha Christie

Somehow, I never read an Agatha Christie novel until a year or so ago, even though she has a gigantic backlist and has been hailed for decades as a stellar mystery writer. (Now that I think about it, I believe I picked up my first Christie novel shortly after reading The Mystery of Mrs. Christie by Marie Benedict, which I thought was excellent.) I enjoyed the closed circle setting and the red herrings along the way, as well as the sense of place and the ‘old-fashioned’ (aka, pre-cell-phone) feel.

Town Solace book

A Town Called Solace by Mary Lawson

I randomly heard of this one from a ‘booktuber’ (someone with a book-related YouTube channel) – The Book Bully – who often reads similarly to me, and after her description I could not get it out of my mind. I picked it up soon after, finished it in a matter of days, and it has become one of my favorite books of the year so far! A beautifully written story (with an equally beautiful cover) touching on topics of family, grief, friendship, loss, and forgiveness. I loved this one.

Things Learned Falling book

Things I Learned From Falling by Claire Nelson

An insightful account of one woman’s experience surviving alone for several days, unable to move her injured body, after falling during a hike. Both inspiring and terrifying, the grit, optimism, and mental strength displayed in this story amazed me. (I had to keep reminding myself, “She wrote this book – so she clearly survived!”) This came highly recommended by my daughter, an avid hiker herself.

Didnt Do Thing book

I Didn’t Do The Thing Today by Madeleine Dore

I’ll admit it: the title completely drew me to this one! This book reminds us that productivity isn’t just about completing our to-do lists, and success doesn’t revolve around getting the most done. Based on numerous interviews the author held with a wide range of professionals, I appreciated the aforementioned reminders, the look at how routines can both serve and ‘run’ us, and the deeper questioning around how to actually define productivity for ourselves.

Will Smith book

Will by Will Smith with Mark Manson

An interesting account of the life of Will Smith, from childhood to present day. I appreciated his openness, particularly in the first half of the book, and particularly around his relationship with fear. I struggled with several aspects of the book too, in part because my long library hold came in just shortly after his recent public violent outburst. Taken as a case study of work ethic and self-confidence, I walked away with a few insightful nuggets; also, the audiobook is incredibly well-produced.

Cultish book

Cultish by Amanda Montell

This well-researched, intriguingly presented book provides a fascinating look at the power of language in creating cult and cult-like environments. Montell, whose father belonged to a cult for a time, looked at everything from Jonestown to fitness fads to multi-level marketing organizations and how each uses language, among other factors, to create a cult-like atmosphere – often to devastating results. I appreciated her perspectives on how people – including educated, capable, free-thinking adults – can fall prey to cults.

Remember Nothing book

I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections by Nora Ephron

I’ve read a few of Ephron’s essay collections over the years and she nearly always makes me laugh with her wise and witty life observations. She somehow manages to be both caring and irreverent all at once – like she always wants to do her best but also knows not to take herself too seriously. This collection covers everything from family and friendship to the evolution of email to life in New York to aging. Funny, relatable (in many ways), and thoroughly enjoyable.

While I rated most of this book stack quite highly, my favorite fiction read for May was A Town Called Solace, and I will definitely be looking into more of Mary Lawson’s works. My favorite nonfiction was a tie between Things I Learned From Falling and Cultish – both exceptional for very different reasons!

Do you have questions or opinions on any of these? What’s the best book you read in May? Share your thoughts below!

Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC, is the Practical + Purposeful Coach for Achievers! Contact us to inquire about coaching possibilities to help you create a meaningful career and purposeful life.

 

 

Achievers and Celebrating Wins

Christi Hegstad May 22nd, 2022
High achievers are particularly prone to being in the ‘gap’ … Even after some massive victory, their mind quickly goes to the next unreached achievement.”  – Dan Sullivan + Benjamin Hardy
How often have you completed a project or achieved a goal, then – before the ink is even dry from checking off the box – you’re already thinking about the next one?
Our society tends to promote this ‘what’s next’ focus. And, as achievers, many of us naturally operate this way as well.
But when we take a moment to acknowledge the win, we boost our mindset – plus we can learn valuable insights that will actually help us with our next achievement.
This week, celebrate a win.
Some ways you can do this:
* Share your accomplishment with your coach, leader, or friend.
* Journal a paragraph about the win, what you learned, and how you feel.
* Treat yourself – maybe a favorite coffee or an hour leisurely browsing the library bookshelves.
* Add the win to your Success Journal.
How will you celebrate your win this week?
Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC, is the Practical + Purposeful Coach for Achievers! Contact us to inquire about coaching possibilities to help you create a meaningful career and purposeful life.

The Purposeful To-Do List

Christi Hegstad May 8th, 2022
When it comes to productivity, our minds often veer toward one measure:
“How many items did I check off my to-do list?”
Like many, I *love* the satisfaction of checking things off the list.
What I love even more, however, is knowing that the items I checked off – at least some of them – are honoring my core values, making a positive impact, and/or moving me toward a larger goal or vision.
This week, focus on purposeful productivity.
Take a look at your to-do list.
Ask yourself, “At the end of the week, what do I most want to know I accomplished?”
Prioritize those 3 or so items, schedule time blocks in your calendar for them, and enjoy the satisfaction of being purposefully productive!

Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC, is the Practical + Purposeful Coach for Achievers! Contact us to inquire about coaching possibilities to help you create a meaningful career and purposeful life.

 

Monthly Review – April ’22 Lessons Learned

Christi Hegstad May 4th, 2022

I’ve had so much fun hearing your feedback since I started posting these monthly recaps over a year ago! Please keep sharing your thoughts, comments, and your own lessons learned – I love to hear from you.

1. Sometimes the most difficult-to-make decisions turn out, in the end, to be the best ones.

2. Complaining is not an effective strategy.

3. Cat cafes may be the greatest type of coffee shop ever created.

4. The quality of your answers depends on the quality of your questions – as well as how you ask them.

5. I cannot change other people. I can, however, commit to bringing my best self to every interaction, regardless.

Do any of these resonate? What lesson(s) did April teach you?

Christi Hegstad, PhD, PCC, is the Practical + Purposeful Coach for Achievers! Contact us to inquire about coaching possibilities to help you create a meaningful career and purposeful life.

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