CHRISTI HEGSTAD PH.D.

Tag Archives: coach

Monthly Review – May Lessons Learned

Christi Hegstad June 15th, 2021

Lessons and reminders that came my way in May – let me know below or on LinkedIn which one resonates with you!

1. Giant leap or tiny steps – progress is progress.

2. ‘Back to basics’ is often the best solution. Remember this when you start to feel overwhelmed.

3. Good or bad, positive or negative, easy or difficult … it won’t last forever.

4. Is there any feeling quite like that of RELIEF?

5. Excellent book + lawn chair + cool beverage = summer delight!

6. What seemed most pressing at the start of the year may have changed. Time to revisit goals.

7. My kiddos are among my greatest role models. I learn from / am inspired by them daily!

8. Things to let go: assumptions, unhelpful stories, things you cannot control, comparison …

9. Intentional time alone can be transformative.

10. It may not go according to plan – but it may still turn out awesome.

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What Energy Will You Choose?

Christi Hegstad June 14th, 2021

“Most of us aren’t in total control of our time. But we are in control of our energy.” – Molly Fletcher

We have all probably had a meeting scheduled at the end of an exhausting week, when all we want to do is head home, pour an iced tea, and relax on the deck.
And we have all likely experienced a day or two (or many) where our plans were pushed to the side in order to address an unexpected issue.
How do you handle moments when it feels like time is not in your control?
This week, choose your energy.
If I go into that last-minute meeting complaining, annoyed, and telling everyone how tired I am, I’m probably not feeling a lift in my energy.
(And I’m probably draining everyone else’s in the process!)
But if I choose to enter that meeting or approach the change in plans with a commitment to add something of value, or to gain at least one new learning, or to make a positive impact on someone in the room, I can change the entire experience – for me and for those around me.
Throughout the upcoming week, decide the energy you wish to bring. You may not always control your time, but you can choose – with intention – who and how you will be in a given experience.
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Thinking About Change vs. Deciding To Change

Christi Hegstad June 6th, 2021
Changing course starts with making a decision… No doubt you’re already thinking about some of the changes you’d like to make, but until you decide to follow through, nothing will happen. – Bob + Melinda Blanchard
As you think about your work and life, what area would you love to grow, strengthen, improve, or change?
Your leadership ability? Mindset? Eating habits? Communication with your assistant? Stress management?
Thinking can be a great first step, but it’s certainly not the only step.
This week, decide to make a change.
Rather than thinking about a daily gratitude practice, decide to begin one today.
Instead of pondering how helpful coaching would be, decide to contact a coach today.
In lieu of chastising yourself over your disorganization, decide the first area you will clean up today.
You’re welcome to adopt one of my longtime Guiding Principles: Decide and Take Action. You, like me, may find it life-changing!
Ready to make a change? I can help you do so with practical tips and purposeful action? Contact me today!

Staying Motivated When No One Seems To Notice

Christi Hegstad May 23rd, 2021

I now try to check in and ask myself: The thing that I’m chasing right now, if I got it and no one else knew about it, would it still be meaningful to me? – Jess Ekstrom

We’ve been talking in the ASPIRE Success Club this past week about how to stay motivated when no one seems to acknowledge, or appreciate, your work.
Whether it’s your latest business project, a service you’re providing, the behind-the-scenes effort you’re putting in, the dishes you’re continually washing … it’s nice to know your efforts are appreciated, isn’t it?
But how can we stay motivated if it seems like no one notices – or cares?
This week, consider the purpose – and the ripple effect.
Take the area where you’re feeling under-acknowledged and explore it from two directions:
1) The reason you began in the first place. Remembering why you started can rekindle the meaning and purpose behind the action.
2) How it benefits others. Everything you do, every action, has a ripple effect; trusting the impact you make can help you keep on keepin’ on.
When I start to feel a lack of acknowledgment, I also take that opportunity to ask myself, “When was the last time I acknowledged someone else’s work?” I am then usually prompted to write a testimonial for a small business, or send someone a thank you card, or email the author of an article and let them know what I learned from their writing.
How will you uplift your meaningful motivation this week?
I only have a few openings for new clients this summer – contact me if you’d like to discuss coaching options!

When To Quit + When To Persevere

Christi Hegstad May 20th, 2021

Back in January, I set a business goal that checked all the boxes: Energizing, purposeful, challenging, aligned with my values. It would also allow me to impact a greater number of people in meaningful ways.

In the months since then, however, I have encountered obstacle after obstacle. Some merely tedious, others fairly significant.

I’m still excited about the goal – but I’m also kind of exhausted.

And it got me wondering:

Are these obstacles ‘tests’ to see how much I believe in what I’m doing? If I have the grit to persevere?

Or are they ‘signs’ indicating that I’m not on the right track and it’s time to let it go?

What do you think?

The Quit vs. Persevere Dilemma

Apparently I’m not the only one who faces this conundrum. As a coach, I am often asked how to tell if the best step with a goal is to quit or to persevere.

The answer, of course: It depends.

But if you find yourself in a similar space with one of your goals, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

* Why did I set this goal? Does that still apply / remain strong?

Reconnecting with the ‘why’ behind your goal is one of the strongest motivators I know. Let’s say you’re passionate about supporting literacy, and your goal involves creating a service that may help thousands of people with just that. Revisiting the purpose of your goal and the ripple effect of its outcome may be all you need to reenergize your efforts.

* How much is this goal costing me? Is it worth it at this time?

In her excellent book Succeed, Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson explains how changed circumstances or not fully understanding at the onset what your goal would require may impact whether or not it’s wise to continue pursuing it. An honest assessment of costs, benefits, and the realities of your current circumstances can help you determine if it’s the right goal, or if it’s the right time for the goal.

* If I close my eyes and imagine achieving this goal, what do I see / how do I feel? If I close my eyes and imagine letting go of this goal, what do I see / how do I feel?

Visualize both scenarios, engaging as many senses as possible, and see what calls to you the most. This may sound woo-woo but it’s a great way to help ensure you’re making your decisions with head, heart, and intuition – not just from mood or frustration.

* What if I got some help? 

I recently hired my next coach, in part to help me with my persevere-or-quit decision. Within a week of doing so, my answer became crystal clear. I am now able, with her support, to focus my energy on actions and next steps rather than swimming in questions and indecision. Consider securing help to achieve your goal, especially if you’ve been going it alone up to this point.

If I can serve as that coach for you, please reach out – I only have a handful of openings for new clients this summer and I’d love to chat with you about possibilities!

 

 

 

 

How To Set, Honor, and Appreciate Boundaries

Christi Hegstad May 4th, 2021

Many years ago, I heard boundaries described like a fence around a backyard swimming pool.

Without the fence, people may fall into the pool, or strangers may use the pool without permission, or guests may show up at all hours to swim without our knowledge. A pool without a fence isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

With the fence, however, we can decide when, and to whom, we will open the gate.

This sounded much more proactive and win-win than the large brick walls I had considered boundaries in the past.

I recently read Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, in preparation for some client work, which expanded my understanding of boundaries even further. Here are three of my favorite lines – and key takeaways – from this very applicable resource:

“Boundaries are assertive steps that you take verbally and behaviorally to create a peaceful life.” (p120)

We can often think of boundaries in a negative context, like the ‘brick wall’ idea I held years ago. Tawwab does an excellent job shining the light on the benefits of boundaries instead, often returning to the peacefulness they can bring. Clarity with boundaries can reduce overthinking, minimize conflict over unmet expectations, decrease resentment, and myriad additional benefits.

“Burnout is overwhelming, and boundaries are the cure.” (p29)

Tawwab makes an excellent case for the connection between boundaries and burnout. Since contributors to burnout include things like not knowing when or how to say no, people-pleasing, and unrealistic expectations of self and/or others, identifying our culprits and setting boundaries around them goes a long way toward preventing unnecessary burnout.

“People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.” (pXVIII)

We might find ourselves frustrated with others for not honoring what we consider common sense: “They should just know!” we might lament. Tawwab reminds us, however, that common sense isn’t necessarily universal but rather based on our own life experiences. All the more reason for clarity, communication, and action in honoring our boundaries.

I appreciated the bullet-point style of tips throughout the book, the examples from Tawwab’s therapy practice as well as her own life (ie, her list highlighting things she does to reduce the likelihood of burnout), and the attention paid to navigating others’ possible reactions when we set boundaries for ourselves.

Set Boundaries, Find Peace – combined with a few additional resources like Sarri Gilman’s TED Talk – offer a terrific and doable starting point for setting healthy boundaries and finding peace!

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Monthly Review – April Lessons Learned

Christi Hegstad May 2nd, 2021

Lessons I learned / relearned in April:

1. Creating + sticking to a menu plan essentially feels like winning at life.

2. Non-measurable wins still count. (Ie, signs of personal growth.)

3. Discern carefully between ‘must do’ and ‘nice to do’ tasks. They can look similar but yield very different results.

4. This too shall pass … though not necessarily easily.

5. Taking 100% responsibility for your life sounds daunting but is actually liberating.

6. Savor ‘blossom season’ – it’s brief but beautiful!

7. Ask ‘what’s the lesson here?’ You might not have an answer right away, but the question opens the door.

8. Resentment is not a productive emotion.

9. Do the thing you’re putting off.

10. Critical thinking + meaningful conversation + open minds = a beautiful combination.

Do any of these resonate with you? What other lessons did April bring you?

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What’s The Lesson Here?

Christi Hegstad April 25th, 2021

What’s the lesson here?

I ask myself the above question often.
It can be helpful when you finish reading a book, as you leave a meeting, or after engaging in a new experience.
I find it particularly useful during challenging times: when I’ve messed up, when a problem arises, when I’m perplexed or struggling.
This week, ask yourself, “What’s the lesson here?”
When we can learn from and / or ascribe meaning to an experience, we are likely to grow from it.
Side note: We may not always be in the mindset or emotional space to actually answer the question then and there. But simply posing it can open the door and remind us that at some point, we will learn from the experience.
What lessons are you learning this week?
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The Head, The Heart, And Courage

Christi Hegstad April 19th, 2021

Fear lives in the head. And courage lives in the heart. The job is to get from one to the other. – Louise Penny

I recently had to have a conversation that I was very scared to have.

If you could have seen the mental and physical prep I conducted beforehand, you probably would have wondered what in the world you were witnessing!
But the conversation was important, and I wanted to prepare my head and my heart as well as possible.
This week, take a healthy, courageous action.
Consider what helps you prepare your head and heart for courageous, purposeful action.
Some ideas:

* Positive self-talk

* Envisioning the ideal outcome

* Calling on past courageous actions you’ve taken

* Quieting inner ‘chatter’ through mindfulness

* Mapping out key points to keep top of mind

What will help you take a healthy, purposeful, courageous action this week?
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Ask A Different Question

Christi Hegstad April 15th, 2021

What if you asked a different question?

For example:

Instead of, “Why is this always so difficult?” – try, “What are 3 things I could do to make this easier?”

Instead of, “Why am I so far behind?” – try, “How far have I come since I started?”

Instead of, “Why can’t I figure this out?” – try, “If my best friend came to me with this problem, what advice would I give?”

Instead of, “Why won’t this ever work?” – try, “What could I do differently?”

Instead of, “Why can’t I reach this goal?” – try, “What needs to change for me to feel successful?”

Instead of, “When will this ever change?” – try, “What is within my power to change right now?”

This week, ask yourself different questions.

The quality of our responses depends on the quality of our questions.

If you’re frustrated by the same responses, try experimenting with different questions.

And don’t forget one of our most valuable questions available:

Who can I ask for help?

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