Midwest Coaches Conference: My Top Takeaways (Part 1)

Christi Hegstad October 6th, 2022

Last week, I attended the ICF Midwest Coaches Conference in beautiful Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Connection, inspiration, education, meaningful conversations, exceptional growth – all my favorite things and core values basically came together in one space! I left rejuvenated and am thankful to everyone who worked so diligently to bring us together in such a purposeful way.

Attempting to narrow down my copious notes to just a few takeaways has proven challenging! I’ve thus decided to divide this into two parts:

Today I am sharing five general life takeaways from this experience – things I believe nearly anyone can reflect on, learn from, be reminded of, or apply into their work or life. And in true coaching fashion, I’ve designed a reflective question for each item that you can ponder if you wish, too.

Coaching colleagues, be sure to check back tomorrow as Part 2 will highlight my top coaching takeaways.

Here we go!

1. Dream Bigger.

In multiple sessions, we were invited to dream bigger – for our professions, our families, the organizations and communities and people we serve, our world at large. The last few years have challenged us all in many ways, and for some of us, that has meant playing smaller than we perhaps otherwise would. I could practically feel my future vision expanding while I listened to Dr. Damian Goldvarg’s closing keynote!

Reflective Question: What would a really big, bold, audacious, meaningful dream look like for you right now?

2. Go Deeper.

In a society that often focuses on vanity metrics and comparison culture, we can sometimes lose sight of what truly matters to us and to those around us. Taking the time and energy to dig deeper – either alone, with a coach, or with another trusted professional – can remind us of our true values and priorities, and prompt us to design new, more meaningful measures of success as a result. I loved Dr. Melissa Peet’s take: “I don’t want you to level up, I want you to deepen down.”

Reflective Question: What are you keeping at surface level, and how might you go deeper?

3. Show Greater Compassion Than (Seemingly) Necessary.

Several sessions highlighted the prevalence of burnout, workplace stress, physical and mental health challenges, and issues with psychological safety. These challenges are faced by so many – even the most ‘put together’ among us – and we often have no idea what others are trying to navigate. My takeaway? Extend extra compassion and kindness whenever possible – with our healthcare provider, our child’s teacher, our next-door neighbor, our grocery clerk. It all matters. We all matter.

Reflective Question: Who seems to ‘have it all together’ but could benefit from a kind word or gentle encouragement?

4. Going ‘Back To Basics’ Can Actually Move You Forward.

Technology and other advancements can support us in myriad ways, no doubt. At the same time, going ‘back to basics’ doesn’t necessarily mean going backwards. Making eye contact, writing by hand in a journal, walking in nature without headphones – sometimes returning to the most basic actions will move us forward more swiftly and seamlessly than anything!

Reflective Question: Where could going ‘back to basics’ help you move forward?

5. Let People Know They Make A Difference.

During one session, we were asked to partner up and share about a person who inspired us to become a coach. Later that day, a beautiful friend and colleague of mine approached me and said, “During that segment, I shared about you.” I cannot express how meaningful that felt, and how those words came at just the right time for me. That interaction has inspired me to let more people know the difference they’ve made in my life!

Reflective Question: To whom could you send a note of appreciation this week?

Which of these takeaways speaks to you? How might you incorporate it into your work or life this week?

A Late-Summer Reading Wrap-Up

Christi Hegstad October 5th, 2022

I’ve just finished reading book #77 of the year and realized I haven’t posted a wrap-up in a while! Below are some of my recent nonfiction reads, along with a two-sentence description for each:

The Power of Regret by Daniel Pink

A thought-provoking look at the role regret can play in our lives, both positively and negatively. I particularly appreciated the description of four different types of regret and the section offering suggestions on what we can do about them.

The Power of Ritual by Casper Ter Kuile

Great ideas for bringing meaning and sacredness into any activity, particularly things you’re already doing rather than adding more to the to-do list. I really enjoyed the conversations around reading, prayer, connecting with nature, and meaningful conversation.

How To Read Literature Like A Professor by Thomas Foster

An interesting look at how to read more critically, including looking for deeper meanings/symbolism, considering the impact of word choices, thinking about the time period the book was written, and more. I gathered a few helpful nuggets to hopefully enhance my individual book reviews.

This Book Is Anti-Racist by Tiffany Jewell

An engaging resource written for youth but equally impactful for adults! I appreciated the descriptions of anti-racism and non-racism, the differences between calling in and calling out, and numerous specific actions we can take to make a difference.

Why Bother? by Jennifer Louden

I picked this up after randomly hearing an interview with the author and immediately read it in a matter of days! A powerful look at turning a potentially negative question – why bother? – into a more purposeful one that asks what truly is worth bothering about, then focusing our attention there.

How To Change by Katy Milkman

An excellent blend of insight on habits, confidence, goal achievement, grit, and more, all supported by extensive empirical research. Fantastic practical solutions/suggestions along with incredibly compelling stories and examples; I have put much of this into practice since reading!

The Joy Of Movement by Kelly McGonigal

An inspiring and research-backed look at the gift of movement, including its connections to community-building, nature, music, service, and beyond. I downloaded the audiobook on my sister’s recommendation and thoroughly enjoyed listening while walking!

If you’d like further information on any of these, or are interested in my fiction reads, just let me know in the comments below! Also, be sure to sign up for my newsletter, as upcoming issues will share my favorite books of the year (two of these listed here will almost certainly appear on that list) as well as my favorite nonfiction books of all-time!

What book have you enjoyed lately?

Map Out Your Quarter In 5 Steps

Christi Hegstad October 4th, 2022

I am all for helpful technology but I must admit, my best tools for mapping out a bold + meaningful finish to 2022 include the basics: pen, paper, and calendar!

If you are deciding new goals for the quarter (or any time frame, really), consider these five steps:

1. Dream. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and envision yourself at the end of the quarter. What are you celebrating? How are you feeling? What have you achieved or moved forward that delights you? Relish in that space for a few moments.

2. Jot down all possibilities. Pull out a good ol’ notebook and pen and start writing all the ideas that came to your mind. Don’t worry about what’s actually possible at this point (see yesterday’s blog for a primer on that!) – just get the ideas recorded.

3. Prioritize. Now consider your current reality: What’s most important to you at this time in your life? What events (vacations, conferences, holidays, etc) may impact your time or progress in the upcoming quarter? What calls to you now, and what can wait? Narrow down to your top-tier goals (typically one to three of them).

4. Plan. For each of your goals, create the action plan to move you from here to there. Keep resources, milestones, and other considerations in mind. (A coach can provide excellent support in this!)

5. Schedule. Here’s where your calendar comes in. Schedule milestones, touchpoints, what needs to happen and when. You can incorporate dates into the previous step, but if you refer to your calendar on a daily or weekly basis, I highly recommend putting your actions directly there so you see them regularly.

Personally, I’m not sure I’d ever accomplish anything if I didn’t journal it out first! 🙂

Are there other steps you would add? What is one goal you plan to achieve in Q4? Share your thoughts and comments below!

Avoid This Common Goal-Setting Mistake

Christi Hegstad October 3rd, 2022

Later this week, the ASPIRE Success Club will hold our 4th-quarter goal-setting session. We tend to leave these sessions with greater clarity and higher motivation – always a plus!

Many ASPIRE members are goal-setting pros by now. There is still one reminder that I offer at every session, however, and it’s one I need myself as well.

Let me paint a picture:

You ask someone to share one goal she’d love to achieve.

She lights up as she describes the podcast she dreams of hosting. She’s had the idea for years and is clearly excited about the content she can offer and the impact she can make in the world.

And then, just as quickly, you hear:

“But…I don’t know the first thing about podcasting. Where would I even start? I don’t have any equipment, and I have no idea how to get it onto the various platforms. It seems so frivolous, too. Plus, what if people hated it? I don’t really have any money to put towards this project, either. I’ll probably just hold off…”

Can you relate?

This showcases one of the most common goal-setting mistakes I see – and one that I actively need to address in myself, too. And that is:

Focusing on the ‘how’ before getting crystal-clear about the ‘what.’

We have an idea, it’s directly connected to our values, it’s exciting, bold, and impactful. We visibly light up as we talk – or even think – about it.

Then, before we’ve fully even stepped into the space of possibility, our doubtful, ‘Yeah, but how?’ switch turns on.

The result? We often talk ourselves out of the goal before we’ve even begun.

As you set your Q4 and/or 2023 goals, I encourage you to spend some time living in the ‘what’ before you even think about the ‘how.’

Envision what success would look and feel like.

Imagine how things could be different upon achievement.

Using all your senses, place yourself there. Breathe it in. Consider the impact.

Live in that space for a bit, and really pay attention to your energy and how it feels.

Once you’ve gotten super clear on your goal and can confirm that it’s calling to you, then let yourself start thinking about (or asking for help with) the how. The process will come together so much more easily this way!

‘What’ before ‘how.’ It’s a game-changer!

What is one goal you’d love to achieve before the end of the year?

Zooming In On Your Top-Tier Goal

Christi Hegstad September 26th, 2022

Next week at this time, we’ll be in the 4th and final quarter of 2022.

Are you ready?

Motivated?

Clear about how you’ll close out the year?

This week, zoom in.

Imagine it’s the morning of December 31, and you have a quiet hour to yourself to reflect on your year.

What is *one thing* you definitely want to celebrate at that time?

What’s the one thing that will help you close out the year feeling strong, fulfilled, accomplished, or however you most wish to feel?

Take that one thing and make a specific plan of action.

Commit to achieving it.

Decide that you can do it.

Get the support you need, and make it happen. You’ve got this!

Need help with your goal and action plan? A few coaching sessions can get you on your way. Let’s talk!

My Favorite Kind Of Day

Christi Hegstad September 22nd, 2022

If you mapped out your ideal ‘regular’ day, what would it look like?

Not a holiday or a day spent on a beach vacation, but just a random Thursday in September, for example?

I have given this a fair amount of thought lately. Partly because now that all my children have graduated from high school, my days look quite different than they have the last two decades!

And partly because I’ve noticed some days can feel so much more fulfilling than others, even though my activities may seem pretty much the same.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Although I veer toward ‘all or nothing’ tendencies, this does not apply when it comes to my favorite kind of day. I love a relaxing vacation day, for instance, but the achiever in me also wants ‘something to show for it.’

At the same time, an entire day of checking things off the list isn’t super fulfilling, either.

My favorite kind of day includes a healthy blend of both productivity and peacefulness.

Now, this probably doesn’t seem like world-changing news. But it has changed things – pretty significantly, actually! – in my world.

I still conduct my Weekly R+P session as I have for years. When it comes to each day, however, I make sure I’ve mapped out both productivity (progress toward long-term goals and small tasks that I can check off the list, for instance) and peacefulness (a walk in nature, dinner with a friend, or an evening of cross-stitch, e.g.). They aren’t necessarily in 50/50 proportions, but both ideally make a healthy appearance.

Since this mini-revelation, I have been more intentional about making sure my days reflect this blend as much as possible.

And I must say, it’s made a difference!

What do your favorite days include? When do you feel most fulfilled and purposeful? Consider mapping this out in a bit of detail, then adjusting your days accordingly.

Here’s to experiencing even more of your favorite kind of day!

5 Tips For When Your Confidence Shakes

Christi Hegstad September 21st, 2022

Clients come to me for a variety of coaching needs:

To achieve a bold + meaningful goal, to strengthen their leadership skills, or to prioritize and manage their time more effectively, for example.

And as we coach together, another topic often emerges:

Confidence.

Confidence is at the heart of nearly everything we do. It’s hard to achieve goals if we don’t actually believe we can. Forcing ourselves to go through the motions, or ‘faking it until we make it,’ can only take us so far.

Building Solid Confidence

If your confidence has grown shaky, perhaps one of these five tips can help:

1. Craft Your ‘Celebration of Triumphs.’

I have a big dream that, I’ll be honest, I’m not fully convinced (yet) I can make happen. I recently dedicated a page in my journal to ‘Dreams That Became Reality’ and listed things I’ve done over the years that also were once only dreams. That has served as a powerful reminder! Make a list of your achievements – big and small, planned and unplanned – and refer to it often.

2. Track Small Wins.

If your to-do list is completely made up of large, multi-faceted projects, you may not feel like you’re experiencing any wins at all. Break these projects down into smaller – teeny-tiny, if necessary – components so you can start checking things off the list and building your momentum.

3. Scan Your Personal History.

As you look over the past few years (or even farther back), what are some of your favorite high-confidence moments? When did you feel really ‘in the zone’ or like you were in just the right place at just the right time? List out a few such moments, then dig into them a bit to see what contributed to your confidence. You may find clues to enhance your confidence in upcoming moments as well.

4. Partner Up.

Clarity and confidence are foundational components of my work with coaching clients – and also things my coach supports me in, too. (Yes, coaches need coaches!) If you’d like a few confidence-building coaching sessions before we wrap up the year, email my office and let’s talk.

5. Seek Out Confidence In Action.

Whom do you know – either in person or from afar – that emanates confidence? What in particular do you notice about them? In addition to those confidence role models, look into helpful confidence resources, too. I love The Confidence Code by Kay & Shipman, and Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on body language has garnered millions of views.

Like a muscle strengthened through regular exercise, your confidence can be strengthened through practice and attention. Hopefully one or more of these ideas helps strengthen your confidence muscle! What else would you add to the list?

Dear Dr. Christi: How Do You Stay So Upbeat?

Christi Hegstad September 20th, 2022

Dear Dr. Christi,

How do you stay so upbeat all of the time? I love your energy!

This was a fun reader question to ponder! And also an important one to answer – for a few different reasons.

First, I want to begin by clarifying that I am definitely not upbeat all the time. I experience my share of anger, grief, frustration, sadness, annoyance…in other words, the gamut of human emotions. If you ever see someone who always seems positive or happy or upbeat, you can trust that they experience a range of other feelings, too – you just may not see it.

I will say, however, that I tend to feel my best – and my most natural – when I am positive. It sort of feels like my default state, or at least the one I continually try to veer back to.

That said, this question brought three main points to mind:

1. Core Values.

Positivity is actually one of my core values. Not ‘toxic positivity’ and, again, not the unattainable idea of being happy all the time.

To me, positivity involves believing in – and looking for – options or solutions, searching for meaning, seeking the upside in order to promote growth (another of my core values) or to move forward.

And since positivity is a core value, I feel at my best when it is being honored / lived out, and I struggle when it is squashed. Therefore, like a beach ball that has been pushed under water and naturally tries to return to the surface, that’s how I feel with positivity (and my other core values).

2. “Positivity Ratio.”

I have studied positive psychology for over a decade now, including earning a certification in Positive Psychology Coaching. One of my first and most impactful resources on the topic is Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s outstanding book, Positivity, where she describes her broaden-and-build theory as well as her ‘positivity ratio.’

At its most basic, the ratio suggests three positive emotions for every negative one in order to support our flourishing.

This ratio seems to linger in my mind, and I try to put out and take in much more positivity than negativity. I’m not always successful at this, but knowledge of the ratio helps.

3. Self-Coaching Questions.

Did I become a coach because I ask so many questions, or do I ask so many questions because I am a coach? Probably a bit of both. Here are a few questions I ask myself, particularly in challenging times:

What’s the ideal outcome? What will help me get from here to there?

What’s the lesson here? What might I learn from this?

If my child or best friend struggled with this, what would I say to them?

How am I feeling? How would I like to feel? What’s one action that might help bridge the gap?

What is my next step in this moment?

I typically explore such questions in my journal, while out on a walk, or with my coach or a trusted friend. All tend to support my positivity.

So there’s a bit of my pondering on the question of my upbeat attitude. Thank you for asking!

If you have a question you’d like Dr. Christi to address in a future installment, leave it below or email our office.

Do You Have A ‘Making A Difference’ File?

Christi Hegstad September 16th, 2022

Which email folder do you turn to when you’re having a rough day?

If you don’t have an answer, here’s a simple solution for you to try:

Create a ‘Making A Difference’ file.

Every time you receive a note of thanks, a message of appreciation, or a positive comment, move it to this file folder.

Even if you hear something verbally, consider sending it to yourself an email.

Then, when you have a challenging day or need a boost of encouragement, open this file and read.

It may take a bit of time to build – don’t let that trouble you. Consider sending more notes of appreciation to others along the way, too.

The ‘Making A Difference’ file is akin to a pep talk, and can work wonders on your perspective!

What other strategies do you employ when you’re having a less-than-stellar day?

The Sounds Of (Social Media) Silence

Christi Hegstad September 15th, 2022

Last December, I posted the following on Instagram and Facebook:

Happy Holidays + Goodbye For Now!

We are preparing the office for year-end and, while I am already excited to hit the ground running in 2022, I’m not sure when / if I’ll be returning here on FB/IG. If you’d like to stay in touch, feel free to join my email community at ChristiHegstad.com/#signup – I’d love to keep connecting with you there! I wish you a beautiful wrap-up to 2021, an excellent start to the new year, and a life and work truly filled with meaning + purpose!

I haven’t posted since.

Several people have asked if I miss it, what I’ve noticed, and if I’ll return. Today’s blog is my attempt at an answer.

Why I Stepped Away

First, let me be clear: I am sharing my own experience, not providing commentary on yours or a judgment on the collective ‘right way’ to do things. You do you!

Second, I mostly stepped away from Instagram and Facebook (with the exception of a Facebook group I lead). I decided to stay on LinkedIn. Snapchat and Tik Tok (and probably dozens of other platforms I’m not even aware exist) never really felt up my alley.

Now, my reasons:

Mental Clarity

My first reason for stepping away involved my desire for greater mental clarity. I had started feeling too infused with others’ opinions, sometimes before I had a moment to form my own. I wanted greater silence to make sure I continued to think for myself.

Time

As an achiever and sometimes-perfectionist, I could spend waaaay too much time crafting a post, editing, questioning if it might be misinterpreted, wondering if it aligned with my brand, etc etc. Simply put, the rewards often didn’t match the time and energy exerted.

Intentionality

Over time, I found myself becoming more reactive, and I tend to operate much better – for myself and for the world – when I am in proactive mode.

Kind of like decluttering my office or home nearly always leads to fresh ideas, spaciousness, and renewed energy, I wondered if decreasing my ‘electronic noise’ would have a similar effect. Also, after reading Cal Newport’s Digital Minimalism, the contrarian in me did not want to give developers who aim to keep us addicted to our phones the satisfaction.

What I’ve Experienced

The impact has felt, not surprisingly, both negative and positive. On the downside, I miss seeing my friends’ kiddos in their first day of school pictures or instantly sharing about an excellent book I’ve read.

I must admit, however, that I still feel plenty informed. In addition, I am:

Streamlined.

People can easily reach me in numerous ways: email, my blog, via my website, PO box, and so on. But removing direct messages from this list has streamlined my communication – and improved the timeliness of my responses – tremendously. Yes, it’s only a couple of inboxes that have been removed from the equation, but somehow I feel exponentially less scattered.

Less Reactive.

Instead of reaching for my phone when I’m in a waiting room, I more often reach for a book, or start a conversation, or (gasp!) just sit in silence for a few minutes. (That last one sometimes feels odd – especially in a room full of people on their phones – but also delightfully rebellious.) I feel more intentional with my time, which is super important to me.

Redefining Success.

Nowadays, exactly zero percent of my personal definition of success depends on how many ‘likes’ or followers a post gains, because it’s no longer a possible metric. I feel like I’m able to pour more into my client work, subscriber newsletters, and the like. It’s now more about the creation (fully in my control) than others’ reaction (not at all in my control).

Plus, my friends can show me their kids’ first day of school photos when we chat in person, and I can respond with more than a thumbs-up emoji.

Will I Return?

Honestly, I don’t know.

I have some exciting new projects in the works, and I know that sharing them on social media could be a good way to reach – and potentially positively impact – a larger number of people.

But every time I’ve considered returning, I’ve never felt the urge to take it any farther than that. For whatever reason, I am more likely to sit down and write a 700-word blog than a caption on social media.

So, I won’t be returning this week. Maybe next week – or month or year – I will change my mind.

Have you ever taken a break from social media? What did you experience? Feel free to share your thoughts below!

Category Archives: Uncategorized

Building Solid Confidence

Why I Stepped Away

What I’ve Experienced

Will I Return?