Mindful or mind full?

I definitely felt the latter when I picked up the book Mindfulness by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. I began reading with great hopes of finding more strategies to calm my swirling mind and stay present and powerful, regardless of the storms brewing around me (or, many times, within me). I also wanted to share what I learned with family members, coaching clients, and the leaders with whom I work.

What I took away from the book was not at all what I expected (which I guess means I read it mindfully, right?). While I did learn specific and helpful techniques, my biggest takeaways came in the form of concepts that, if held high, would naturally bring me the right strategies when I need them. Here were the three biggies:

1. Get out of your head (and into the moment).

Do you spend a fair amount of time in your head? While I have definitely downsized my overthinking in recent years, I can still easily find myself considering things I wish I’d said (or didn’t say), wondering why I took (or didn’t take) a particular action, and coming up with witty responses three days after a conversation has ended.

By learning to quiet our minds, we discover that we don’t need to spend time ruminating, comparing, or sweating the small stuff. We become more attuned to what matters most and allow the fleeting worries to gently move elsewhere. “Mindfulness,” write Williams and Penman, “encourages you to treat yourself and others with compassion.”

And if there’s one thing this world could use more of, it’s compassion – for self and for others.

2. Slow down to achieve better.

Notice I didn’t say to achieve more, but that’s actually the reality, too. Just last week, a participant came up to me after a training event I facilitated. “I’ve noticed you’re using words like ‘mindful’ and ‘deliberate’ quite a bit in your writing lately,” he shared with me, “and they have become focus words for me, too. Interestingly, I find that when I slow down and take time to plan, I end up getting so much more done!”

Indeed!

One of the many exercises Williams and Penman offer is a chocolate meditation. (The name alone pulls you in, doesn’t it?) In essence, the activity involves choosing a piece of chocolate that you’ve never had before, then slowly, mindfully eating it, paying attention to detail. What is the aroma as you open the packet? What does the texture look and feel like? Chocolate has over 300 flavors – which ones can you sense as it rests on your tongue?

“Once you see the difference that paying full attention can make to the small things in life, you start to get an inkling of the cost of inattention,” the authors explain. “Just think of all the pleasures of seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touching that are drifting by unnoticed. You may well be missing vast portions of your daily life.” (Emphasis mine, because that was a wake-up call I needed).

3. ‘Acceptance’ is not a bad thing.

This is one of those lessons I apparently need to learn repeatedly.

I’ve always struggled with words like “acceptance” and “surrender” (which you can read more about here).  To me, they seem to hold the undertone of “giving up;” as such, I can think of several life examples where I have continued with gritted teeth and clenched hands long after the joy or purpose in a pursuit has disappeared. So this statement caught my attention:

Mindful acceptance does not mean resignation to your fate. It’s an acknowledgement that an experience is here, in this moment – but instead of letting it seize control of your life, mindfulness allows you, simply and compassionately, to observe it rather than judge it, attack it, argue with it or try to disprove its validity.

They go on to discuss how this “radical acceptance” grants us the freedom to choose how we will proceed rather than just reacting. In this way, acceptance isn’t giving up – it’s giving us control.

In the midst of the changes sweeping through our world right now, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I couldn’t have picked up this book at a better time to remind me that we are powerful beyond measure, that we can respond rather than mindlessly react, and that actions chosen from a place of mindfulness will lead to greater and more impactful outcomes than when we have lost touch with ourselves. “Mindfulness is about seeing the world with greater clarity,” confirm the authors, “so you can take wiser, more considered action to change those things that need to be changed.”

If you seek greater awareness, calm, and mental freedom, check out Mindfulness. In the meantime, I’d love to know what helps you stay mindful? Feel free to share your thoughts below or on Facebook or Instagram!

Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan For Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman (Rodale, 2011).

Dear Dr. Christi,

I know living with more positivity would benefit me and those around me. I want to be more positive – and actually feel like I used to be. But these days I find it harder and harder to maintain a positive mindset. Suggestions?

~ Claire B.

Dear Claire,

In this day and age, positivity definitely requires conscious attention and commitment, and I appreciate your desire to grow in this regard. Like you said, a positive mindset can benefit you as well as those around you; research shows improvements in health, goal achievement, job satisfaction, and relationships, to name just a few.

Not to mention that a positive person can be a breath of fresh air, a delight to be around, and infuse a room or an organization with hope for the future.

It is those reasons that prompt me to be diligent about positivity. I know life isn’t all puppies and rainbows, and I’m not advocating head-in-the-sand living. I also know that we accomplish a great deal more when we approach even the most difficult situations through a lens of positivity.

Here are a few strategies you can begin implementing immediately:

Fuel your mind with positivity.

When I feel myself spiraling downward, self-talk works wonders…but sometimes I need others’ positivity to lift me up. Pay close attention to your environment and what you choose to take in. Some of my favorite sources: inspiring books (search my blog or Instagram for many recommendations), motivational podcasts, TED Talks (start with Shawn Achor!), solution-oriented blogs and articles, and so on. Quotes can also provide a great, quick boost of positivity.

Please note this step may also require you disengage from some of your current habits. Facebook feed filled with negativity and fear-mongering? Unfollow people or take a Facebook sabbatical. Office politics the favorite topic of breakroom complaining? Learn techniques to change the subject or go for a walk on your break instead. Some activities you do on a daily basis (or in many cases, multiple times a day) may be feeding you with negativity without you even realizing it.

Surround yourself with positivity.

Pay attention to the background noise (murder-and-mayhem TV shows filling the room?) and other aspects of your environment that detract from your positivity, again perhaps without you realizing it. For many, even excess clutter invokes stress and negativity; if that’s you, invest some time in cleaning up your space so that you can live, work, and lead in surroundings that support your growth. Make sure the pictures on your desk, the artwork on your walls, and everything within your sphere of influence says what you want/need to hear.

Perhaps more importantly, surround yourself with people who make you better. We all benefit from a variety of influences: encouragers, meaning-makers, cheerleaders, perspective-givers, and others who inspire and challenge us to be our best possible selves. This does not mean surrounding yourself with “yes men;” some of your greatest champions will be those who push you and don’t allow you to settle for less than you’re capable of.

And oftentimes those people will include trained professionals: coaches, therapists, healers, teachers, and others who hold your best interests high.

Take positive action.

Action is our greatest antidote to fear and frustration. If you’re unhappy about something, do something. I do want to categorize this, however, and I think the best way might be with an example.

Mother Teresa, a model of peace and compassion, was apparently once asked to participate in an anti-war rally. She refused. When asked why, she essentially replied that she had absolutely no interest in an anti-war rally, but “As soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I will be there.”

See the difference? Move toward what you want to create. Don’t waste your energy fighting what you dislike.

Unhappy with the current political climate?  What does the ideal look like – and what action will you take (speaking, writing letters, making phone calls, joining nonprofits, donating money) in favor of that vision? Frustrated with your organization’s lack of involvement in the community? Envision what its role could be, then take action – start a social good committee, volunteer, create a proposal – in that direction.

Also, Please Remember This:

Being positive does not mean “happy all the time.” Part of our rich human experience involves all emotions: joy, sadness, excitement, fear, wonder, grief, and countless others. I think I’ve experienced all of those feelings in the past 10 days alone!

But positivity helps. You learn to look for the silver lining or the ray of hope. Instead of asking, “Why me?” you train yourself to ask, “What’s the lesson here?” You seek solutions rather than dwelling in the problems. You get things done, and you serve as a model for others.

I hope these ideas help you, Claire, and you might find a few more ideas here, too. The world needs more positivity, optimism, problem-solvers, and action-takers working in favor of meaning and purpose. I’m glad you find it important enough to seek!

Do you have a question about meaningful work, purposeful living, positive leadership, or anything in between? Email it for a future Ask Dr. Christi post!