Day 42: Surrender

Today, the final in my 42 Days of Yes, was not what I expected. At all.
Christi Hegstad July 24th, 2014

Always say YES to the present moment…Surrender to what is. Say YES to life – and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.

Eckhart Tolle

42 Days Of Yes!

Day 42: Surrender

Today was not what I expected.

I said YES to a long walk in an area I rarely spend time. I left my headphones at home so I could reflect on the 42 Days Of Yes while I walked. My mind was racing.

Wouldn’t you know, I bumped into a woman from my church whom I consider a spiritual mentor. Then, ten minutes later, I crossed paths with an older man I don’t know very well but who has a smile that absolutely radiates life. Moments later, I received a phone call from a dear friend whom I haven’t seen in nearly two years.

Needless to say, my walk didn’t go as planned – but the “detours” were joyful and appreciated. Which is one of the lessons 42 Days Of Yes has brought to the forefront: Savor the moment. Goals and plans are wonderful, but embrace the unplanned, too.

After my walk, however, my mind still raced.

A bit later in the day, the yearning for reflection remained. I knew I needed a quiet space for this and decided to visit a small chapel.

The chapel was silent, still, and beautiful. I knelt down and felt my mind continue to race.

And then I started to cry.

Not the dainty, movie-star, tears-softly-flowing-down-the-cheeks kind of crying. We’re talking the full-fledged, messy, wipe-your-nose-on-your-sleeve type of sobbing.

Where did that come from?!?

It seemed as though all at once, in that quiet space surrounded by stained glass and simple beauty, all my emotions came to a head. The abundant joy brought by family, friends, and meaningful work. The overwhelm of responsibilities and unexpected challenges. The excitement of all the possibility on the horizon. The sense of loss, especially for my Mom as we near her birthday. The mixed emotions that come with raising children: the absolute awe in witnessing their growth and the woe in realizing how quickly it’s happening.

An immense gratitude for it all – to be able to experience life’s richness, the ups and the downs, the meaning and purpose.

Finally, my mind stopped racing.

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Throughout the 42 Days Of Yes, I’ve made some incredible discoveries. I’ve met new people and reconnected with old friends, tried new activities and approached old ones with fresh eyes, done things I’ve wanted to for ages and attempted things I’d never before heard of. I also reached a significant personal milestone as a result of this project.

And the learnings have taken me somewhat by surprise: around topics like fear, surrender, and being and doing enough, for example. I won’t go into the hardest part of the 42 Days Of Yes, or the underlying reasons prompting it, or why I’ll never do it again (I’ll share all this at Spark). What I will say is that answers often come where we least expect them, the unplanned detours frequently lead to our greatest growth, and the truth inherent in projects like these remains constant: It’s not about me.

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When I returned home, I pulled Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet off my shelf – a book that has carried special significance for most of my adult life. I randomly opened it to find this message:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

…There are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

Here’s to doing what you love – and giving life your all.

 


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