Why I Make Clients Cry (And How You Can, Too!)

Last week I made not 1, not 2, but 4 clients cry. At some point during each of our coaching conversations, faces reddened, tears welled up, and in some cases, the waterworks really flowed.

One client later shared with a coworker that she classified our meeting as BYOT: Bring Your Own Tissue! 

The truth is, I always have tissues with me for coaching conversations. Clients crying is actually not a rare occurrence, but a common one.

Many possible reasons for this exist. Since all my clients have assured me I’m not mean 😉 I suspect the following possibilities:

Relief. Finally getting to share ideas, dreams, and goals can be an incredibly cathartic experience – especially if you’ve carried them silently for quite some time.

Opening Up To Fear. It’s a huge deal to say a dream out loud – especially to another human! Admitting what you want to experience can be all at once frightening and exhilarating.

Unbridled Honesty. We experience a lot of “shoulds” in our lives. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in what we should do that we completely lose touch with what we want or desire. Reconnecting with that is powerful.

But what many clients have revealed to me, and what I now believe is one of the biggest reasons people often cry in an early coaching conversation, is this: It’s the first time – perhaps in a very long time – that a person can tell her story and truly be heard: no judgment, no bettering, no comparing. Just acknowledged and appreciated.

Sound basic? It is. And it’s something we can all practice on a regular basis.

One of the most important coaching skills, besides asking masterful questions and prompting powerful actions, is exceptional listening. This is surprisingly rare in today’s world. How many times have you tried telling a story and…

…been interrupted?

…been one-upped? (“You think that’s something, let me tell you my experience…”)

…felt like you weren’t the top priority? Your partner might be looking at the clock, people-watching, or otherwise distracted.

In the coaching relationship, I only succeed as a coach if you as a client succeed. In order to propel you to success – especially in taking quantum leaps and achieving Bold Goals – I need to listen carefully for your patterns, self-talk, energy levels, and more. 

And as a fellow human, listening is something we can all improve – and really make a positive difference for others in the process. This week, I challenge you to listen – fully listen, with your whole heart – to at least one person each day. Pay attention to only that person for that period of time (and it doesn’t even have to be long!). Like one of my mentors-from-afar, Mary Kay Ash, suggested, imagine your speaker wears a sign around her neck that says “Make me feel important.” 

What a difference we can make – and it all starts with listening! And, just in case, have a couple tissues handy, too. 😉