Fresh Starts: Putting Down The Shield

Christi Hegstad January 15th, 2017

Welcome to my brand-new website! Next month marks 14 years in business and I have had essentially the same website that entire time. Like all aspects of work, leadership, and life, it’s good to periodically shake things up and experience a fresh start!

Just before launching the site last week, I asked my website guru at Happy Medium: “Is it weird to feel so emotional about this?” My feelings ranged from excitement to nervousness to “definitely the right move” to “nope, changed my mind.” She assured me this was normal (but she is also a very kind person.) 😉 After an online presence for 14 years, you might wonder – as I did – what’s the big deal?

I finally realized it’s this: In many ways, I am coming out of hiding.

When I launched the first site back in the early 2000’s as a new business owner, my main objectives were to be professional and credible. I’d never been an entrepreneur, didn’t know many entrepreneurs at the time, and wondered how people and businesses would take me seriously. Though always authentic and true to my values, I didn’t want to come across as too personal or vulnerable – because what would people think?

So I essentially hid behind logos and quotes and stock photos featuring other people, providing a layer of protection between myself and any “who do you think you are?” sentiments. ‘Professional’ ruled and – for years, actually – you’d be amazed how much editing, deleting, and doubting I did. Maybe professional didn’t rule so much as caution or, more accurately, fear. I did my work – but behind a safety shield.

Letting Go

Now, though, the shield is gone. Peruse my site and you won’t find stock photos or well-worn quotes. You’ll see me virtually looking into your eyes, telling you my story and sincerely wanting to know yours.

Maybe it’s due to age, experience, or in some cases even frustration, but I no longer need the shield. If you follow me on Instagram, maybe you’ve noticed the transition there, too. Joan of Arc’s wisdom has become somewhat of a mantra for me: I am not afraid. I was born for this.

Ready For Your Own Fresh Start?

Do you need to make a fresh start somewhere in your work, leadership, or life? As always, check in with your values first. Then, consider these three tips:

1. Step away from your current routine in order to quietly envision your ideal. An afternoon at the park, a day at the botanical gardens, or a solo weekend retreat could be just the thing to refresh your mindset, focus, and vision for the future.

2. Choose a word or theme to represent your transformation – maybe strong, energized, purposeful, or courageous. Surround yourself with items, photos, and people who remind you of it.

3. Do you know the right thing to do but are scared to do it? You might just need to do it scared. I’ve done a lot of things scared in the past year and have grown tremendously as a result!

Moving forward, I’ll offer new features to this blog: My weekly (or so) Three To Thrive, where I round up my three favorite resources of the week (TED Talks, articles, podcasts, etc.) and share them with you; regular highlights of coaching clients and other models of courage, kindness, and inspired leadership; Ask Dr. Christi, where I’ll respond to your questions about meaningful work, purposeful living, and everything in between; and so much more. Be sure to connect on Facebook and Instagram for even more tips and actionable ideas, too!

Though I’m starting fresh in many ways, the purpose of MAP Professional Development Inc. remains the same: to help you successfully do what you love and love what you do. Here’s to fresh starts, letting go, and putting down our shields!

My Top 3 Books Of 2016 {Nonfiction Edition}

Christi Hegstad December 31st, 2016

As a leadership and executive coach, I am surprised by the books that have impacted me the most this year. Today’s blog shares the three that stand out.

As a voracious reader who struggles to choose her top book picks each year, I was surprised at how quickly three rose to the surface this time around. And as a leadership and executive coach, I was surprised that only one of my favorites would be found even remotely near the business or leadership sections of the bookstore.

Still, these books have dramatically impacted all aspects of my work, leadership, and life, and I am thinking and behaving differently because of them.

My picks this year include On Living by Kerry Egan, When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi, and Deep Work by Cal Newport. I’ve written about them before (on Instagram, and here, and here), so here I will simply share 3 important takeaways:

1. Take deliberate action. Life is too short and time is too precious to spend on autopilot or drowning in ‘shoulds.’

2. Lead with compassion. Everyone – EVERYONE – is dealing with challenges we know nothing about. This includes the difficult coworker, the quiet child, the customer that seems to love complaining. Let compassion influence your interactions and decisions.

3. Meaning and purpose make all the difference. Make your work matter by doing it with kindness, respect, and love. Live with purpose and model healthy courage for others. Clarify your values and live, work, and lead in alignment with them.

What particularly draws me to these three books is their depth. They go below the surface to help the reader discern what matters most, then to have the clarity and courage to design work, leadership, and life around that. We can engage in this meaningful approach every day, and it doesn’t have to be difficult: asking a few questions to show we care, actively listening, helping people celebrate their wins and navigate their challenges. Blocking time for that which matters most, and giving those people and projects our full attention. Even simple eye contact and a smile allow someone to feel seen and valued.

“Things are never only as they appear,” writes Egan, a hospice chaplain, in On Living. “There are always layers to people’s lives, unseen memories under every face, every decision, every movement or lack of movement. There is always gray between then black and white.” If we all remember and embrace this as we carry out our work and lives, we will make a profound and positive difference, with ripple effects that extend farther than we can imagine.

I would not have even picked up two of these books had it not been for the recommendations of others. I am grateful for the community of readers, leaders, and literacy advocates who contribute to the book-world dialogue! Feel free to share your top picks on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter.

Here’s to your meaningful work and purposeful life as we wrap up 2016 and embark on a fresh, new year!

To view my favorite books read in 2015 click here, and for 2014 click here.

Choosing Your Theme For 2017

Christi Hegstad December 29th, 2016

In a word, what do you want to say about your work, leadership, and life next year at this time?

Have you ever had one of those weeks? The kind where Murphy’s Law comes at you full-blown and it feels like every little thing that can go wrong, does? These times tend to come and go and somehow we make it through, move on, and forget.

I had one such week in 2004, however, that I can recall with crystal clarity.

During that week, a number of events occurred: my computer crashed, our electricity flickered on and off, my preschooler caught a stomach bug, my newborn was diagnosed with RSV and required frequent breathing treatments, my toddler developed a new habit of playing and singing loudly around midnight each night. I completely forgot an important meeting I was supposed to attend as well as the birthday of a close friend. I was trying to get my new business off the ground while navigating several other obligations and responsibilities, too.

Exercise? Clean the house? Keep up with mail and phone calls and library book returns? Not even on the radar.

At week’s end (and about my wit’s end, too), I went down to our finished basement and, to my shock, stepped into several inches of cold water. Sometime during that freezing February night, pumps and pipes went awry and left us with a basement we could practically swim in.

As I started bringing items upstairs to dry – trip after trip, in my sleep-deprived state – I had a major realization: We had too much stuff. Which essentially stood as a metaphor for my life. I was trying to do too much, spreading myself way too thin, wanting to give 110% and falling drastically short in every possible area. So rather than bringing items upstairs to dry, I started bringing them out to the truck to donate.

I knew what I needed in my space and life – FOCUS – but had no idea how to attain it. I’m a goal-setter and love big, bold goals, thorough action plans, coaching, accountability, and rewards along the way. But I chose to do something different this time: I set “Focus” as my theme for the year, and decided to let it unfold naturally. No planning, tracking, or check-ins; just holding the intention of focus and figuring it out as I went.

At the end of that year, I honestly couldn’t believe the difference. I had let go of physical items, excess responsibilities, unnecessary calendar obligations, and unrealistic expectations. I clarified and re-clarified what mattered most to me and allowed other things back-burner status. And for the first time in a long time, I realized I truly felt focused.

Hence my annual theme was born, and I’ve held one ever since.

How To Create Your Annual Theme

Essentially, your annual theme is a word or phrase that captures who/how you want to be in the coming year. Since my year of Focus, I’ve had themes like Grow, Strong, Joy, Energy, and Expand. My coaching clients have set themes like Simplify, Connect, Wonder, Calm, Positivity.

You can select a theme in many ways. For example:

1) Close your eyes and imagine that it’s the end of 2017. What would you love to be able to say about yourself? Not so much what you’ve accomplished (those are your goals), but rather how you’d finish a sentence that starts “I am…” or “My work/life is…”.

2) Set your 2017 goals, then look for the central theme that runs through them. What do you need in order to achieve those goals? Discipline, humor, creativity, action? How do you want to be as you accomplish them: purposeful, happy, light-hearted?

3) Select the word that has been floating in your mind for the past few months. In your mental dialogue, it might be the word that follows, “I need to be more…”.

Just like I did with Focus, let go of how you will fulfill your theme, getting clear only on the what for now. Choose a theme that is meaningful, easy to remember, and truly resonates with you.

Then What?

Once you’ve selected your 2017 theme, keep it present. A few creative ways you can do this:

* Incorporate your theme into your passwords. (Who isn’t typing in passwords 8,500 times per day?)

* Write your theme on sticky notes placed on your bathroom mirror, computer monitor, planner cover, car dashboard, or anywhere else you see regularly.

* Create a vision board to represent your theme.

If it feels right, consider brainstorming ways you can bring your theme to life. You might also designate a page in your journal or planner to track your actions along the way. But keep it all loose, free, and fun. You can still create goals and resolutions – in fact, I encourage it – but let your theme stand on its own.

As 2016 begins to wind down, play around with your new theme. Next year at this time, you will be so glad you did!

So, what are you considering for your 2017 theme? Share your ideas with us on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter!

Shoulds, Passions, and What Makes You Come Alive

Christi Hegstad December 13th, 2016

What makes you come alive? I bet it doesn’t start with the word “should”…

“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

— Howard Thurman

Coaching Tip of the Week:

What’s your relationship with the word “should”?

Few words can elicit guilt or drain your energy as quickly as “should.” While it can serve a purpose, it can also push you down paths not really suited for you (“I should go into that profession because I’m good at it – even though I can’t stand it”) and cause a lot of unnecessary angst. The longer you tell yourself you should do something, the more it saps your zest.

This week, be aware of the word “should.”

Are you frequently saying it to your employees? To your family? To yourself? You might be surprised how often it sneaks its way into your vocabulary!

Pay attention and, if you find it draining, replace it with a different word: will or won’t, for example. Then you’ve made a choice rather than simply a judgment.

This shift “should” change your perspective and help you, in Thurman’s words, come alive!

Start your week off positively: Receive your free Clarity Kickstart in your in-box every Sunday morning! Click here to subscribe.

Alternative Year-End Questions To Ask Yourself

Christi Hegstad December 12th, 2016

There’s the standard year-end questions, and then there’s the deeper dive. Reflect on this year so you can set up 2017 with clarity, confidence, and meaningful action!

As you look back over 2016, what are your biggest lessons learned? How will you use them going forward?

Amid all the year-end, 4th quarter, holiday hustle and bustle, the last thing you might want is another to-do item. But I highly suggest one in particular: Set aside a bit of quiet time for an end-of-the-year inventory.

Often I’ll offer a list of personal / professional growth questions for you to answer. In fact, you can find 21 questions here, which will serve as a terrific start.

But this year I’d like to also offer some alternatives.

Spark this year proved to me that many of us – dare I say most of us, if my work appeals to you – are ready to dive deep.

We want to accomplish goals and exceed expectations, but we want to do so with meaning and purpose at the forefront.

We want to clarify what matters most in our work, leadership, and lives, and then honor that.

We want to feel a sense of alignment, to know we’re making a difference, and to succeed using our own purposeful definition of success.

The phrase I coined years ago to describe people I tend to work with – Meaningful Achievers – still fits perfectly. We want to accomplish big things, but in a meaningful, purposeful way.

So, in addition to my typical end-of-the-year questions, I’m journaling on some alternative ones, too. I encourage you to do the same. As you reflect on 2016:

What moments were so beautiful, peaceful, or extraordinary that they took your breath away?
What relationships did you strengthen and now find very important?
What did you do differently this year? What were the results?
What hard things did you navigate? What helped you through? What did you learn?
What fears did you face?
What adventures or challenges did you embrace for the first time?
Who has inspired you? What is it about him/her that you admire?

Block an hour or an afternoon on your calendar. Head to a place where you can reflect, write, and be inspired. Take as little as possible with you – perhaps just a notebook or journal and writing utensil.

Then, reflect. Open wide. Pour out onto the paper your 2016 experience.

Of course I encourage you to create your goals, plans, and dreams for 2017 too, but celebrate all the ways in which you’ve grown this year first. You’ve come a long way since January 1 – even if at first blush it doesn’t seem like it! Let that elevate you as you then dream and envision your stellar 2017.

Enjoy your alternative review!

The ASPIRE Success Club is filling quickly! Line up your professional development for 2017 by clicking here.

Going With The Flow (Even Perfectionists!)

Christi Hegstad December 7th, 2016

I’ve never cared for the phrase, “Go with the flow.” If it sounds too much like giving up to you, read on.

I’ve never really liked the phrase ‘go with the flow.’ As a planner / recovering perfectionist / former (most days) control freak, it always sounded like a cop-out, similar to ‘good enough’ or ‘it is what it is.’

But over the past few years, I’ve learned (not always by choice) the value in loosening my grip on the way things are ‘supposed to be’ and flowing a bit more freely. We can still plan and dream and set goals and visualize, but rather than attaching to a rigid my-way-or-the-highway outcome, we can savor the journey and adjust our sails as necessary.

As we near the end of 2016, what do you need to let go of in order to create space for a fresh, vibrant, flowing new year? A few possibilities:

The way things ‘should’ be
Past mistakes
Grudges
One-way-only mentality
Negativity
Limiting mindset

Learn from your experiences. Right your wrongs. But don’t always force yourself to paddle frantically against the flow simply because it doesn’t look exactly as you had planned. Sometimes our greatest gifts (and indeed our biggest learnings) come not from our death grip on what should be but from releasing, opening, and freeing ourselves to possibility.

Life As An Extroverted Introvert

Christi Hegstad December 6th, 2016

For years I thought the assessments must be wrong. Then a book, discussion, and a big realization changed my perspective!

When I shared a few random facts about myself in an Instagram post last week, I had no idea the emails I’d receive and the conversations that would follow. In particular, it seems many can relate to my introverted tendencies or were curious about what I meant. We had spirited discussion on the introvert/extrovert topic in ASPIRE this year too, and I’d love to continue the dialogue here.

A bit of background: On the Myers Briggs and other assessments, I consistently test as an extrovert. This has always surprised me, as most of my “replenishing” comes from solo activities – writing, reading, creating, walking in nature. I’ve long felt I require more alone time than the average person and just assumed my assessment results weren’t entirely accurate.

Until I read and discussed Susan Cain’s book, Quiet.

Then it all made sense: Yes, I find great joy in my silent endeavors and need a fair amount of private time to re-energize. If I have to choose between a large, loud party and a peaceful evening at the bookstore, for example, the bookstore will typically win.

But my greatest energy comes from deep, meaningful, heartfelt conversations with one or a few people.

For example, a few years ago at a networking luncheon, I happened to sit next to a woman who turned out to also be a coach, also passionate about helping people uncover their purpose, also had school-aged children … the similarities went on and on. Our conversation delved deep right away – and has never really stopped. She is now one of my closest friends.

Similarly, I recently went out for an early dinner with a friend. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in a while, we only spent a few minutes on small talk then dove right into the “good stuff,” staying there for hours on end. We didn’t wrap up until the wee hours of the morning – waaaay past my bedtime, but I was so jazzed from our conversation that I stayed up nearly two more hours after that anyway.

Can you relate? Or not at all? Either way, it’s all good. We need all types to make for rich, fulfilling work and life experiences.

Being extroverted doesn’t necessarily mean you’d choose the big cocktail party seven nights a week. And being introverted doesn’t necessarily mean you have a monthly reservation at a silent retreat. The spectrum is wide and your preferences are unique. I highly recommend Quiet for a fascinating look at this topic and maybe, like what happened for me, great insight into your own life.

How about you? Are you more introverted, or do you lean toward the extroverted side? What energizes you most? Share your thoughts with me @ChristiHegstad on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter!

Courageous Kindness

Christi Hegstad December 5th, 2016

Complaining and blaming – easy and not very creative. How are you being courageously kind?

“Courage has a ripple effect. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver. And our world could stand to be a little kinder and braver.”

— Brene Brown

Coaching Tip of the Week:
How courageous are you?

We talked about this question quite a bit in the ASPIRE Success Club this year and determined the answer to be, in large part, “It depends.”

For example, if you stepped outside and encountered a wild animal unexpectedly, you might quickly run back inside. Yet if you stepped outside and noticed that animal moving towards your child, you might move forward fearlessly in order to keep your child safe.

What makes the difference? Your purpose. Your why.

Perhaps surprisingly, kindness can require courage. Complaining, ranting, blaming – these are all easy and not very creative. But being the voice for someone who’s been silenced? Standing up for something you value? Reaching out a hand when everyone else seems to slip back? THAT takes courage. Purposeful courage.

This week, be courageous. Be kind.

Take a look at the photo of my journal from earlier this year: Be Kind, Be Brave, Be Awesome. In my opinion, if you follow the first two instructions, you’ve automatically taken care of the third.

What Matters Most (And The Call No One Wants To Get)

Christi Hegstad December 4th, 2016

Do you know your top priorities?

One year ago, driving home from a coaching appointment, my mind wandered: What on earth will I make for dinner? I haven’t heard from Shelly in ages – is she upset with me? How am I going to get everything done? Where are those clothes I need to return? My cell phone trilled in the seat behind me but I didn’t pay much attention.

Until the caller tried a second time. And a third. And a fourth.
I pulled over, reached behind me for my phone, and saw several missed calls from an unknown number appear on my screen. With the last one, he had left a voicemail, of which I only remember key words:

“Mrs. Hegstad…your son…accident…paramedics on their way…”

Those thoughts mulling around in my mind moments earlier? Poof – gone. Replacing them was my current #1 priority: I need to get to my son.

*********

Can you think of a moment where your priorities become crystal clear? Unfortunately, it often occurs in times of crisis. We can spend oodles of time overthinking and worrying, then in an instant, life becomes like a laser: clear, concise, focused. We wonder why we spent all that time stewing over details that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t really matter.

I coach and speak often on the topic of priorities, and my goal is always the same: To help you decide, proactively and with intention, what matters most – then to adjust your mindset, days, weeks, and life accordingly. To choose where to invest your time rather than having it chosen for you. To feel a sense of empowerment and purpose rather than floating on autopilot or at the whim of circumstance.

Could you use a boost in this area? Try reflecting here for starters:

Look Ahead. What do you most want to be known for, remembered for? When people think of you, what do you want to come to mind? How about when you look back over your own life?

Look Back. Over the past 2-4 weeks, where have you spent your time – honestly? Do those activities reflect what matters most to you?

Start With Today. What’s your Daily Top 3 today: the 3 items that must get your attention, even if all else goes haywire? (Hint: Write them on a sticky note and separate it from your massive to-do list.)

*********

Getting back to a year ago: I arrived at the school, where my son had been at basketball practice, just before the paramedics. He suffered a dislocated knee and a fractured leg, requiring several months of crutches and physical therapy and doctor’s visits. He’s now good as new, for which I am ever thankful.

But that moment – that voicemail – will remain etched in my mind forever, serving as a beacon when I go astray. (Because I do. We all do.)Decide what matters most.Invest your energy there.Don’t sweat the small stuff.Commit to working with meaning, living with purpose, and acting with intention.If we can do this, consistently and repeatedly, our minds will become clearer, our loads a bit lighter, and our work and lives will be characterized by meaning and purpose.

The Things We Do Not Talk About

Christi Hegstad December 1st, 2016

What things do you not talk about? What would happen if you did?

What do you long to set free but instead bury deep inside? What do you feel you must hide, gloss over, or envelop in secrecy?

What if you didn’t?

My Mom and I used to have long conversations over coffee about anything and everything: Issues that frustrated her, challenges I dealt with, struggles of a relative or friend. “Everyone has their stuff, don’t they?” she’d say. And it’s so true. Everyone has their stuff.

Even that person who looks so perfectly put-together – deep down (or more than likely, just barely below the surface) she’s dealing with a challenge so fierce it’s all but suffocating her, yet we know nothing about it.I see this all the time in my coaching practice. One of the greatest privileges of my work involves holding the space for my clients to process through various experiences and situations. It’s an honor that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Because you know what happens when we talk about the things we’re not ‘supposed’ to talk about? Those things lose their power, their clenching grip, and we can start to breathe again.Take some of my clients, for example. The brilliant woman who ran a hugely successful business while for years had quietly suffered from PTSD. Or the high-achiever who is completely overwhelmed but feels pressure to plow through because “everyone is counting on me.” Or the extraordinary leaders I’ve worked with who are embarrassed to find themselves in tears during a coaching meeting because “men aren’t supposed to cry.”

The walls we build. The shields we create. We think they’re keeping us safe, but are they really just closing us off?

What if we just share the things we’re hiding behind?

What if we hold the space of freedom for someone instead of the cloak of shame they’ve already wrapped themselves in?

What if instead of trying to solve the problem, or one-upping, or saying “At least you have a job / home / running water,” we simply say, “I hear you, and I’m here for you”?

What might happen if we start talking about the things we don’t talk about?

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Letting Go

Ready For Your Own Fresh Start?