About 5 years ago, I hosted a public workshop on Big Dreams and Bold Goals. After an energizing evening focused on dreaming big and brainstorming strategies, we were all ready and excited to make those dreams real!
After the workshop, a few people stuck around to ask questions or share thoughts. One person in particular stayed towards the back, and I could tell she was waiting to speak with me alone. Typically I’ve found that when someone does this, they have an emotional or touching story to share or an incredible (but perhaps private) example of resilience.
Not this time.
When we finally were alone, she began by praising the workshop. “Loved the class! Really great stuff! But…can I offer a suggestion?”
Always trying to open myself to improvement, I responded, “Of course!”
She looked very thoughtful as she proceeded: “While I thought the class really helpful, I found myself distracted during it. And I just want to give you this.”
She reached in her pocket and handed me the business card of a local beauty salon.
“I think this person could work wonders with your hair! It’s just so dry and kind of wild and all over the place. I discovered after a while I was focusing more on your hair than on what you were saying.”
After a surreal moment (“Am I hearing this correctly?”), I thanked her for her observation, she shared how this stylist does amazing work, and we bid our goodnights.
When I got to my car, I had to take a moment to reflect on this conversation. I truly believe this person was trying to offer help; I don’t think she meant any harm or mean-spirited-ness. From her perspective, I could improve my work by improving my hair.
And there is some truth to this. When you appear on TV, for example, producers suggest not wearing dizzying stripes or patterns because they can be distracting for the viewer. Image, as we all know, is important.
And while I came away from this interaction with several thoughts, I was reminded of a few important lessons – lessons that, ironically, I had shared in that very class:
- First, when embarking on your Big Dream, don’t seek out critics. Look for support, cheerleaders, people who will unabashedly tell you that YOU CAN DO IT. We need constructive feedback, but not too early in the process. And as this encounter proves, the constructive feedback will find its way to us whether or not we look for it.
- Second, take criticism as someone’s perspective – not as the all-encompassing truth. Anyone who has known me for more than 5 minutes probably knows that my hair ranks looooow on my list of priorities. As a result of being clear on my values and priorities (and probably with the benefit of age and life experience), I was able to take this feedback with a grain of salt. I could chuckle at the comment without dwelling, worrying, or – perhaps to others’ dismay – making a hair appointment.
When pursuing Big Dreams and Bold Goals, these two tips will serve you well. Dreaming BIG means you might draw criticism and risk looking foolish. You need to be o.k. with that. Part of this comes from experience, but even more comes from firmly, solidly believing in what you can do and the purpose behind doing it. When you know your values, priorities, and purpose, you can develop the “thick skin” that your dream may require in order to see it through.