I recall sitting in a meeting many years ago, where my role was simply to take notes. Though in theory not a difficult task, by the end of the hour my jaw was sore (from gritting my teeth) and my hand felt raw (from clenching my fist).
Unbeknownst to me, this meeting became a turning point in my pathway to purpose.
A bit of background:
At the meeting, the facilitator held a very ‘my way or the highway’ attitude. Any time a participant brought up a new idea, he told them it would never work. When someone began to share a different perspective, he interrupted or even ignored them. Fresh thoughts, differing viewpoints, even clarifying questions were shut down with irritation, until he finally called the meeting to an end and dismissed everyone.
At the time, I knew his behavior bothered me, but I didn’t realize until a while later – when I conducted my first values clarification – exactly why my reaction was so strong.
What Are Values and Why Do They Matter?
Essentially, your values are core beliefs that serve as your moral compass.
Values permeate every single aspect of your work and life – personal, professional, leadership, relationships, and beyond. They influence every decision you make and every action you take, whether you consciously realize it or not. Identifying and understanding your values, then, brings a sense of clarity, alignment, and proactivity into your life in a way nothing else can.
When I conducted my values clarification, I discovered that two of my core values – growth and respect – had clearly been violated in that meeting. By shutting down diverse ideas and perspectives, the facilitator did not create an environment of growth for participants or even allow for the growth of the organization. By interrupting and responding rudely, respect had long flown out the window.
Suddenly, the reasons for my tight jaw and clenched fists became crystal clear.
Leading In Accordance With Your Values
You will likely experience your values most clearly in one of two ways: The pure sense of alignment you feel when they are honored, and your strong reaction when they are violated. Without clarity around your core values, however, you may experience those sensations but be unable to pinpoint – and thus change – the situation, as occurred with me in that meeting.
Once you know your values, you can intentionally design your environment to honor them as much as possible. And in situations where they are not upheld or downright ignored, you can take necessary action: speak up, redirect the conversation, stand up for someone or something, or perhaps even leave the room, for example.
When I begin working with a new coaching client, I ask them to complete my Values Clarification exercise first thing. Not only does this help them live, work, and lead in honor of their values, it allows me to coach them in alignment with what matters most to them. While I must honor my values, it doesn’t serve my client if I coach them in alignment with my values and not theirs.
This single act – the Values Clarification – prompts more lightbulb moments than I could ever have imagined!
Your Next Action:
As you might guess, I encourage you to take the step of clarifying your values. If you’re attending Spark, you’ll receive my Values Clarification tool and become clear on your core values before we even meet for the day. (Values clarification is also an excellent topic for a one-time Kickstart Coaching session.) You can also find other values tools available – just make sure they are reputable, time-honored, and speak to you.
Then, make a point to intentionally honor your values in your work, leadership, and life. If this is new to you, you won’t believe the difference!
Nowadays, when I notice my jaws or fists or gut clenching from tension, I check in with my values and act accordingly. This may require turning off the TV instead of watching political debates, for example, or listening deeply to someone who feels unheard.
And on the proactive side, I set up my life in favor of my values as much as I can. This may come in the form of communicating expectations at the start of a potentially intense meeting or by speaking up for someone who is being treated unkindly (kindness is another of my core values).
Living, leading, and working in honor of your values may not always be easy, but it will always be worth it.
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