What things do you not talk about? What would happen if you did?
What do you long to set free but instead bury deep inside? What do you feel you must hide, gloss over, or envelop in secrecy?
What if you didn’t?
My Mom and I used to have long conversations over coffee about anything and everything: Issues that frustrated her, challenges I dealt with, struggles of a relative or friend. “Everyone has their stuff, don’t they?” she’d say. And it’s so true. Everyone has their stuff.
Even that person who looks so perfectly put-together – deep down (or more than likely, just barely below the surface) she’s dealing with a challenge so fierce it’s all but suffocating her, yet we know nothing about it.I see this all the time in my coaching practice. One of the greatest privileges of my work involves holding the space for my clients to process through various experiences and situations. It’s an honor that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Because you know what happens when we talk about the things we’re not ‘supposed’ to talk about? Those things lose their power, their clenching grip, and we can start to breathe again.Take some of my clients, for example. The brilliant woman who ran a hugely successful business while for years had quietly suffered from PTSD. Or the high-achiever who is completely overwhelmed but feels pressure to plow through because “everyone is counting on me.” Or the extraordinary leaders I’ve worked with who are embarrassed to find themselves in tears during a coaching meeting because “men aren’t supposed to cry.”
The walls we build. The shields we create. We think they’re keeping us safe, but are they really just closing us off?
What if we just share the things we’re hiding behind?
What if we hold the space of freedom for someone instead of the cloak of shame they’ve already wrapped themselves in?
What if instead of trying to solve the problem, or one-upping, or saying “At least you have a job / home / running water,” we simply say, “I hear you, and I’m here for you”?
What might happen if we start talking about the things we don’t talk about?